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SUCCESSWARD 


SUCCESSWARD 

A  YOUNG  MAN'S  BOOK  FOR  YOUNG  MEN 


BY 

EDWARD  W.  BOK 


FLEMING    H.  REVELL   COMPANY 

NEW  YORK  CHICAGO  TORONTO 

1895 


Copyright,  1895, 

by 
FLEMING  H.  REVKLL  COMPANY. 


TO 

CLARENCE    CARY, 

MY  ADVISER  AND   MY   FRIEND,  WHEN   ADVISERS 
I   HAD  NONE  AND   FRIENDS 

WERE   FEW, 
I  INSCRIBE  THIS,  MY   FIRST  BOOK. 


A   FEW   PREFATORY   WORDS 


|HE  average  young  man  is  apt  to 
think  that  success  is  not  for  him. 
To  his  mind  it  is  a  gift  to  the  few, 
not  to  the  many.  "  The  rich,  the  fortunate 
— they  are  the  only  people  who  can  be  suc- 
cessful," is  the  way  one  young  fellow  recently 
expressed  it  to  me,  and  he  thought  as  many 
do.  It  is  this  wrong  conception  of  success 
which  this  book  aims  to  remove.  It  has  no 
other  purpose  save  to  show  that  success — and 
the  truest  and  best  success — is  possible  to  any 
young  man  of  honorable  motives.  The  sub- 
ject is  not  new,  I  know.  All  that  is  hoped 
for  from  this  book  is  that  it  may  have  for 
young  men  a  certain  sense  of  nearness  to 
their  own  lives  and  thoughts,  from  the  fact 
7 


8  A   FEW  PREFATORY   WORDS 

that  it  is  not  written  by  a  patriarch  whose 
young  manhood  is  far  behind  him.  It  is 
written  to  young  men  by  a  young  man  to 
whom  the  noise  of  the  battle  is  not  a  recol- 
lection, but  an  every-day  living  reality.  He 
thinks  he  knows  what  a  fight  for  success 
means  to  a  young  fellow,  and  he  writes  with 
the  smoke  of  the  battle  around  him  and  from 
the  very  thick  of  the  fight. 

E.  W.  B. 

PHILADELPHIA,  1895. 


CONTENTS 


I 

PAGE 

A  CORRECT  KNOWLEDGE  OF  HIMSELF..  n 


II 

WHAT,  REALLY,  is  SUCCESS  ? 23 

III 

THE  YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS 33 

IV 
His  SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS 69 

V 

' '  SOWING  HIS  WILD  OATS  " 97 

VI 

IN  MATTERS  OF  DRESS 109 

9 


10  CONTENTS 

VII 

PAGE 

His  RELIGIOUS  LIFE 119 

VIII 
His  ATTITUDE  TOWARD  WOMEN 137 

IX 

THE  QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE 151 


A  CORRECT  KNOWLEDGE  OF  HIMSELF 


SUCCESSWARD 


A    CORRECT    KNOWLEDGE    OF    HIMSELF 

|HE  first,  the  most  essential,  and  the 
greatest  element  of  success  with  a 
young  man  starting  out  to  make  a 
career  is  a  correct  knowledge  of  himself. 
He  should,  before  he  attempts  anything, 
understand  himself.  He  should  study  him- 
self. He  should  be  sure  that,  no  matter  whom 
else  he  may  misunderstand,  he  has  a  correct 
knowledge  of  his  own  nature,  his  own  char- 
acter, and  his  own  capabilities.  And  it  is 
because  so  few  young  men  have  this  know- 
ledge of  self  that  so  many  make  disastrous 
13 


14  SUCCESSWARD 

failures,  or  fail  in  achieving  what  they  set 
out  for  themselves  at  the  beginning. 

Every  man  in  this  world  is  created  dif- 
ferently ;  no  two  are  alike.  Therefore,  the 
nature,  the  thoughts,  the  character,  the  capa- 
city of  one  man  is  utterly  unlike  that  of 
another.  What  one  man  can  understand 
another  cannot.  The  success  of  one  man 
indicates  nothing  to  a  second  man.  What 
one  is  capable  of  doing  is  beyond  the  power 
of  another.  Hence  it  is  important  that,  first 
of  all,  a  young  man  should  look  into  himself, 
find  out  what  has  been  given  him,  and  come 
to  a  clear  understanding  of  what  he  can  do 
and  what  he  cannot  do. 

It  is  one  of  the  most  pitiable  sights  ima- 
ginable to  see,  as  one  does  so  constantly, 
young  men  floundering  and  fluttering  from 
one  phase  of  life  to  another,  unable  to  fasten 
upon  any  one,  simply  because  a  knowledge 
of  themselves  is  absent.  The  result  is  that 
we  see  so  many  round  men  trying  to  fit 
themselves  into  square  holes. 


A   CORRECT  KNOWLEDGE  OF  HIMSELF    15 

"  But,"  some  one  will  say,  as  asked  a 
young  fellow  recently,  "  how  in  the  world 
do  you  get  at  an  understanding  of  yourself? 
How  do  you  go  about  it?"  No  definite 
answer  can  be  given  to  the  question,  any 
more  than  can  a  certain  rule  be  laid  down. 
An  understanding  of  one's  self  is  reached  by 
different  methods  by  different  people,  gener- 
ally each  method  being  personal  to  one's  self. 
But  this  much  can  be  said :  every  thought, 
every  taste,  every  action,  reveals  ourselves  to 
ourselves,  and  it  is  in  the  expression  of  these 
that  we  best  learn  our  natures  and  our  char- 
acters. We  see  ourselves  with  unmistakable 
accuracy,  for  example,  in  what  we  most  en- 
joy in  reading,  in  the  people  whose  company 
pleases  us  most,  in  the  things  that  interest 
us;  and  where  our  tastes  and  interest  lead 
us  we  are  generally  truest  to  ourselves. 

Some  writer  has  said  that  most  people  find 
themselves  out  best  while  they  are  at  play, 
upon  the  basis  that  a  man  shows  his  real  side 
in  the  pleasures  which  he  seeks  and  enjoys. 


Iti  SUCCESSWARD 

This  is  true  in  a  large  measure.  And  the 
character  of  his  pleasures  will  have  both  an 
indirect  and  a  direct  bearing  upon  the  more 
practical  side  of  his  nature.  If  a  young  man 
visits  an  art  gallery,  for  example,  and  finds 
that  the  pleasure  he  derives  from  the  pictures 
takes  the  form  of  recreation  to  the  mind,  that 
he  is  delighted  and  interested  in  the  canvases 
he  sees  so  long  as  he  is  before  them,  but 
feels  simply  refreshed  after  he  leaves  the 
gallery,  it  is  plain  that  his  nature  is  not  one 
suited  to  art  as  a  vocation.  He  employs  the 
picture  as  a  means  of  recreation  from  some 
other  study  which  has  engrossed  him  most. 
If,  on  the  other  hand,  his  instincts  lead  him 
to  an  art  gallery,  and  he  studies  rather  than 
enjoys  the  pictures  that  he  sees,  is  curious 
as  to  the  methods  of  the  artist,  and  goes 
away  with  his  mind  charged  with  the  inten- 
tion of  getting  further  knowledge  of  what  he 
has  seen  from  books  or  other  authorities,  it 
is  natural  to  assume  that  the  art  instinct  is 
within  him,  and  he  should  give  it  the  fullest 


A   CORRECT  KNOWLEDGE  OF  HIMSELF    17 

chance  of  development.  But  he  should  in 
every  way  feel,  realize,  and  know  that  a  love 
of  art  possesses  him  before  he  adopts  it  as  a 
profession.  And  thus,  in  a  way,  a  young  man 
has  an  opportunity  to  study  himself  through 
his  pleasures. 

If,  as  a  further  example,  a  young  man 
finds  himself  seeking  the  company  of  men 
older  than  himself,  men  of  affairs  of  the 
world,  is  happiest  when  he  can  be  in  their 
company  and  hear  them  talk  of  business, 
chooses  the  reading  of  the  lives  of  successful 
men  as  his  literature,  and  leans  toward  the 
practical  side  of  life,  finding  more  real  enjoy- 
ment amid  the  bustle  of  the  mart  than  in  the 
quiet  of  lane  or  park,  the  indications  are  that 
his  nature  points  him  to  a  business  career 
rather  than  to  a  professional  calling.  If  he 
feels  this  way,  it  is  well  for  him  to  give  his 
developing  tastes  full  play,  and  follow  where 
his  instincts  lead  him.  After  a  while  what 
was  at  first  a  mere  instinct  or  an  unformed 
taste  will  develop  and  point  him  to  some- 


18  SUCCESSWARD 

thing  definite  in  the  business  world,  and  if 
he  be  true  to  himself  he  will  sooner  or  later 
find  himself  in  that  particular  position  which 
he  is  best  fitted  to  occupy  and  fill.  His 
capacities  will  reveal  themselves  to  him,  and 
they  will  teach  him  his  limitations.  This 
knowledge  need  not  thwart  his  ambitions, 
but  I  believe  that  ambition  should  always  be 
just  a  trifle  behind  judgment,  if  possible,  or, 
at  all  events,  not  in  advance  of  it.  Ambition 
is  a  splendid  quality  if  properly  guided  and 
kept  within  check;  it  is  a  fatal  possession 
when  it  is  allowed  too  full  development  or 
sway.  Like  fire  or  water,  it  is  a  capital  ser- 
vant, but  it  makes  a  poor  master. 

I  do  not  counsel,  nor  do  I  believe  in,  a 
blind  following  of  one's  self,  particularly  dur- 
ing the  formative  years  of  life.  But  I  do 
believe  most  earnestly  that  every  man  is 
given  a  certain  thing  to  do  in  the  world,  and 
that,  by  a  proper  study  of  himself,  he,  and 
he  alone,  can  arrive  at  the  clearest  and  surest 
knowledge  of  that  particular  object.  I  am  a 


A   CORRECT  KNOWLEDGE  OF  HIMSELF    19 

firm  believer  in  the  molding  of  character 
through  the  influence  of  another;  but  my 
conviction  is  equally  strong  that  every  man 
is  the  architect  of  his  own  fortune,  and  that 
his  truest  course  in  life  is  to  follow  not  the 
guidance  of  another,  but  his  own  instincts. 
In  other  words,  I  think  young  men  should, 
as  early  in  life  as  possible,  get  into  touch 
with  the  idea  of  their  own  responsibility,  and 
be  taught  the  great  lesson  that,  however  well 
others  may  advise,  they,  and  they  alone, 
must  carve  out  their  own  careers.  The  most 
successful  careers,  the  most  honorable  lives 
in  the  history  of  the  world  are  those  which 
have  been  shaped  by  their  own  hands.  There 
is  an  element  of  danger  in  this,  of  course, 
but  the  element  is  small  in  comparison  with 
the  greater  danger  which  lies  in  the  foun- 
dation of  a  character  against  one's  own  in- 
stincts. 

The  aspirations  of  the  young  are  not  to  be 
checked  by  the  experience  of  the  old.  No 
matter  how  rich  or  full  a  man's  experience 


20  SUCCESSW4RD 

may  have  been,  it  counts  only  in  a  sense  of 
general  application  to  another  career  which 
stands  upon  its  threshold.  Years  should 
teach  wisdom ;  but  if  we  all  waited  for  years 
to  bring  us  wisdom,  this  world  would  be  a 
sorry  place  to  live  in.  Youthful  imaginings 
may  lead  to  mistakes,  youthful  enthusiasm 
may  encounter  disappointment,  but  only  ex- 
perience, real  and  actual,  can  demonstrate 
these  things  to  a  young  man.  And  the 
experience  is  good  for  him  if  it  teaches  him 
a  better  and  truer  knowledge  of  himself  and 
his  capacities.  The  greatest  figures  in  the 
world's  history  show  that  they  were  made 
through  experience,  and  what  experience 
taught  them.  This  is  not  saying  that  the 
young  have  no  use  for  the  old.  They  have. 
But  the  rule  should  be,  "  Young  men  for 
action,  old  men  for  counsel."  Experience 
looks  backward ;  enthusiasm  looks  forward. 
And,  as  between  the  two,  enthusiasm  is 
worth  more  than  experience,  since  it  is  the 


A   CORRECT  KNOWLEDGE  OF  HIMSELF    21 

former  which  is  brave  and  strong  and  at- 
tempts the  impossible.  If  we  attempted 
only  the  possible  in  this  world  we  should 
soon  stop  where  we  are ;  it  is  for  the  young 
man,  with  his  enthusiasm,  to  battle  with  the 
impossible  and  carry  the  world  a  step  farther 
on  in  discovery,  if  not  in  actual  accomplish- 
ment. 

I  say  all  this  because  I  want  every  young 
fellow  to  feel  that,  to  a  large  extent,  he 
stands  alone  for  himself  in  the  world.  Coun- 
sel he  may  seek  and  he  should  seek,  but  the 
action  is  his,  and  his  alone.  And  to  make 
that  action  sure  and  wise  it  is  necessary  that 
the  workman  should  understand  his  tools. 
He  must  know  with  what  he  has  to  work; 
and  once  sure  of  his  tools,  he  must  learn  the 
thing  he  has  set  for  himself  to  do,  having  a 
distinct  purpose  in  view,  and,  being  fully 
conscious  that  he  is  right  and  capable,  not 
allowing  himself  to  be  swerved  from  his  aim. 
After  acquiring  true  knowledge  of  himself,  I 


22  SUCCESSWARD 

know  of  nothing  so  valuable  to  a  young  man 
as  an  absolute  distinctness  of  purpose,  and 
then  pursuing  that  purpose  to  success.  In 
natural  sequence  comes,  therefore,  the  ques- 
tion of  "  What,  really,  is  success?  " 


II 

WHAT,  REALLY,  IS  SUCCESS? 


II 

WHAT,  REALLY,  IS  SUCCESS? 

EFORE  a  young  man  goes  into 
business  it  is  necessary,  I  think, 
that  he  should  set  himself  straight 
on  one  very  important  point,  and  that  is 
what  success  in  business  really  is  and  means. 
Unfortunately,  not  enough  has  been  written 
on  this  phase  of  the  topic.  It  is  idle  for  a 
young  man  to  seek  out  the  methods  of 
success  before  he  is  really  clear  in  his  mind 
just  what  constitutes  success — until,  in  other 
words,  he  finds  out  the  true  definition  of  the 
word.  And  very  few  of  us  have  a  proper 
and  correct  conception  of  it.  On  the  other 
hand,  thousands  of  us  have  the  wrong  notion. 
In  this  age  of  big  things,  particularly,  we 
25 


26  SUCCESSWARD 

are  inclined  to  regard  success  as  synonymous 
only  with  the  higher  walks  of  life,  with  great 
achievements.  Success,  in  the  minds  of 
some,  is  something  which  is  only  given  for 
the  fortunate  to  achieve.  Or  we  think  that 
if  we  cannot  do  something  which  sets  people 
talking  or  wondering  about  us,  if  our  heads 
do  not  tower  above  those  of  our  fellow- 
beings,  our  lives,  if  not  altogether  negative, 
are  still  not  successful.  In  other  words,  we 
feel  that  a  successful  life  is  the  doing  of 
something  momentous ;  the  becoming  known 
of  all  men  and  women  ;  the  being  exceptional 
to  the  rest  of  the  human  race.  Ask  ten 
people  their  idea  of  success,  and  I  warrant 
that  eight  will  give  a  definition  of  it  along 
these  lines.  And  yet,  when  we  look  at  the 
matter  closely  and  study  it  carefully,  scarcely 
a  more  incorrect  interpretation  of  a  success- 
ful life  can  be  imagined.  Along  this  line  of 
thought,  not  one  person  in  ten  thousand  lives 
a  successful  life,  since  statistics  have  informed 
us  that  it  is  only  this  percentage  of  the 


WHAT,  REALLY,  IS  SUCCESS?  27 

human  race  that  is  ever  heard  of  outside  of 
its  immediate  circle  of  relatives  and  friends. 

It  is  given  to  very  few  of  us  to  say  some- 
thing or  perform  some  action  which  will  be 
heard  of  by  the  world.  The  greater  part  of 
the  human  race  dies  as  it  is  born,  unknown 
and  unheard  of  by  the  world  at  large. 
Where  you  find  one  leader  among  men  or 
women  you  will  find  a  thousand  who  pre- 
fer to  follow.  The  instinct  of  leadership  is 
rare — rare  even  in  these  developing  days. 
Hence,  if  success  depended  upon  aggressive 
instinct,  its  votaries  would  be  few.  Success 
is  as  ofttimes  quietly  won.  I  think  that  young 
men  are  oftener  misled  by  wrong  notions 
of  what  constitutes  success  than  by  how  to 
achieve  success  as  they  understand  it. 

The  average  young  man's  idea  of  success 
is  like  unto  that  of  people  of  older  growth, 
as  I  hinted  in  a  preceding  paragraph — 
it  means  the  accomplishment  of  something 
great.  He  cannot  understand  that  a  suc- 
cessful life  is  just  as  possible  in  an  obscure 


28  SUCCESSWARD 

position  as  it  is  in  a  conspicuous  one.  It 
does  not  seem  plain  to  him  that  a  clerk  earn- 
ing five  hundred  dollars  per  year  can  make 
just  as  pronounced  a  success  of  his  life  as 
can  his  employer,  whose  income  is  ten  thou- 
sand dollars,  or  even  one  hundred  thousand 
dollars,  per  year.  He  is  apt  to  measure 
success  by  dollars,  and  here  is  the  rock  upon 
which  so  many  young  men  split.  To  be  a 
successful  subject  is  as  great  an  achievement 
for  the  subject  as  being  a  successful  ruler 
is  creditable  to  the  ruler.  Every  man  born 
into  the  world  has  his  limitations,  and  be- 
yond that  line  it  is  simply  impossible  for  him 
to  go.  All  of  us  know  men  capable  of 
splendid  work  so  long  as  they  are  under 
direction,  but  who  have  either  made  or 
would  make  absolute  failures  as  directors. 
Other  men  chafe  under  direction ;  they  must 
be  leaders.  But  success  is  as  possible  with 
the  one  as  with  the  other. 

The    correct    definition    of  success   is  the 
favorable  termination  of  anything  attempted 


IVhMT,  REALLY,  IS  SUCCESS?  29 

— a  termination,  in  other  words,  which  an- 
swers the  purpose  intended.  The  writing  of 
a  business  letter  can  be  made  just  as  great  a 
success  as  can  be  the  drafting  of  a  presiden- 
tial proclamation.  Success  never  depends 
upon  conspicuity,  and  it  never  will.  If  we 
accepted  as  the  successful  men  of  the  time 
only  those  who  are  in  conspicuous  places  and 
of  whom  we  know,  we  should  narrow  success 
down  to  a  very  few.  Great  successes  have 
been  made  as  often  in  quiet  ways  as  with 
the  blare  of  trumpets.  A  commercial  success 
won  on  conservative  lines,  and  maintained 
by  cautious  and  prudent  methods,  is  the 
success  most  highly  regarded  in  the  business 
world  to-day.  The  meteoric  commercial 
flash,  so  admired  by  the  average  young  man, 
seldom  has  a  firm  foundation,  and  rarely 
commands  the  confidence  of  experienced 
business  men.  The  truest  success  is  that 
which  is  earned  slowly,  but  which  surely 
strengthens  itself.  Ostentation  is  never  typ- 
ical of  a  true  success.  It  is  always  a  good 


30  SUCCESSWARD 

thing  to  remember  that  the  vast  majority 
of  successful  men  are  never  heard  of.  It 
is  very  important,  therefore,  that  the  first 
thing  for  a  young  man  going  into  busi- 
ness to  learn  is  to  disassociate  success  from 
the  more  prominent  walks  in  life,  and  get  rid 
of  that  false  theory.  When  he  does  that, 
successful  living  will  have  a  deeper,  fuller, 
and  truer  meaning  for  him.  It  will  have 
for  him  then  its  correct  meaning :  that  suc- 
cess is  possible  in  every  position,  and  can  be 
made  the  possession  of  the  humblest  as  well 
as  the  most  powerful. 

A  successful  life  is  nothing  more  nor  less 
than  living  as  well  as  we  know  how  and  do- 
ing the  very  best  that  we  can.  And  upon 
that  basis,  which  is  the  only  true  basis,  nat- 
urally no  success  can  be  measured  by  fame, 
wealth,  or  station.  Some  of  us  must  live  for 
the  few,  as  others  again  must  live  for  the 
many,  just  as  some  are  born  to  occupy  im- 
portant positions  while  others  are  intended  for 
humbler  places.  But  both  lives  are  successful. 


WHAT,  REALLY,  IS  SUCCESS?  31 

Let  a  young  man  be  thoroughly  fitted  for 
the  business  position  he  occupies,  alert  to 
every  opportunity,  and  embracing  it  to  its 
fullest  possibility,  with  his  methods  fixed  on 
honorable  principles,  and  he  is  a  successful 
man.  It  does  not  matter  whether  he  makes 
a  thousand  dollars  or  a  hundred  thousand 
dollars.  He  makes  a  success  of  his  position. 
He  carries  to  a  successful  termination  that 
which  it  has  been  given  him  to  do,  be  that 
great  or  small.  If  the  work  he  does,  and 
does  well,  is  up  to  his  limitations,  he  is  a 
success.  If  he  does  not  work  up  to  his 
capacity,  then  he  fails,  just  as  he  fails,  too, 
if  he  attempts  to  go  beyond  his  mental  or 
physical  limit  There  is  just  as  much  danger 
on  one  side  of  man's  limit-line  as  there  is 
on  the  other.  The  very  realization  of  one's 
capacity  is  a  sign  of  success.  It  is  an  old 
saying  that  it  is  a  wise  man  who  knows 
when  he  has  enough,  and  it  is  a  successful 
man  who  never  goes  beyond  his  depth  in 
business.  This  is  a  truth  which  requires 


32  SUCCESSW/1RD 

experience  to  see,  perhaps,  but  it  is  a  lesson 
which  Success  demands  that  her  votaries 
shall  learn,  and  learn  well.  Success  is  simply 
doing  anything  to  the  utmost  of  one's  ability 
— making  as  much  of  one's  position  as  it  is 
possible  to  make. 


Ill 

THE  YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS 


33 


Ill 

THE   YOUNG  MAN   IN   BUSINESS 

VERY  one  conversant  with  the  busi- 
ness life  of  any  of  our  cities,  large 
or  small,  will,  I  am  sure,  agree  with 
me  that  more  business  opportunities  exist 
to-day  than  there  are  young  men  capable  of 
embracing  them,  and  that  the  demand  is  far 
in  excess  of  the  supply.  Positions  of  trust 
are  constantly  going  begging  for  the  right 
kind  of  young  men  to  fill  them.  But  the 
material  does  not  exist,  or,  if  it  does,  it  cer- 
tainly has  a  most  unfortunate  way  of  hiding 
its  light  under  a  bushel;  so  much  so  that 
business  men  cannot  see  even  a  glimmer  of 
its  rays.  Let  a  position  of  any  real  impor- 
tance become  open,  and  it  is  the  most  difficult 
35 


36  SUCCESSWARD 

kind  of  a  problem  to  find  any  one  to  fill  it 
satisfactorily.  Business  men  are  constantly 
passing  through  this  experience.  Young 
men  are  desired  in  the  great  majority  of 
positions  because  of  their  progressive  ideas 
and  capacity  to  endure  work;  in  fact, 
"  young  blood,"  as  it  is  called,  is  preferred 
nowadays  in  nine  positions  out  of  every  ten. 
The  young  men  capable  of  filling  these  posi- 
tions are  few.  For  the  most  part,  the  aver- 
age young  man  is  incapable,  or,  if  he  be  not 
exactly  incapable  (I  am  willing  to  give  him 
the  benefit  of  the  doubt),  he  is  unwilling, 
which  is  even  worse.  That  exceptions  can 
be  brought  up  to  controvert  this  statement  I 
know;  but  in  these  remarks  I  am  dealing 
with  the  many,  and  not  with  the  few.  It  is 
the  exception  that  we  find  in  business  to-day 
a  young  man  who  is  something  more  than  a 
plodder — a  mere  automatic  machine.  As  a 
general  rule,  the  average  young  man  comes 
to  his  office  at  nine  o'clock  in  the  morning ; 
is  faithful  in  the  duties  he  performs ;  goes  to 


THE    YOUNG  MJN  IN  BUSINESS  37 

lunch  at  twelve ;  comes  back  at  one ;  takes 
up  whatever  he  is  told  to  do  until  five,  and 
then  goes  home.  His  work  for  the  day  is 
done.  One  day  is  the  same  to  him  as  an- 
other; he  has  a  certain  routine  of  duties  to 
do,  and  he  does  them  day  in  and  day  out, 
month  in  and  month  out.  His  duties  are 
regulated  by  the  clock.  As  that  points,  so 
he  points.  Verily  it  is  true  of  him  that  he 
is  the  same  yesterday,  to-day,  and  forever. 
No  special  fault  can  be  found  with  his  work. 
Given  a  particular  piece  of  work  to  do,  he 
does  it  just  as  a  machine  would.  Such  a 
young  man,  too,  generally  considers  himself 
hard-worked — often  overworked  and  under- 
paid— wondering  all  the  time  why  his  em- 
ployer does  not  recognize  his  value  and 
advance  his  salary.  "  I  do  everything  I  am 
told  to  do,"  he  argues,  "  and  I  do  it  well. 
What  more  can  I  do?  " 

This  is  simply  a  type  of  a  young  man 
who  exists  in  thousands  of  offices  and 
stores.  He  comes  to  his  work  each  day 


38  SUCCESSW4RD 

with  no  definite  point  or  plan  in  view ;  he 
leaves  it  with  nothing  accomplished.  He  is 
a  mere  automaton.  Let  him  die,  and  his 
position  can  be  filled  in  twenty-four  hours. 
If  he  detracts  nothing  from  his  employer's 
business  he  certainly  adds  nothing  to  it. 
He  never  advances  an  idea ;  is  absolutely 
devoid  of  creative  powers ;  his  position  re- 
mains the  same  after  he  has  been  in  it  for 
five  years  as  when  he  came  to  it. 

Now  I  would  not  for  a  moment  be  under- 
stood as  belittling  the  value  of  faithfulness  in 
an  employee.  But,  after  all,  faithfulness  is 
nothing  more  nor  less  than  a  negative  qual- 
ity. By  faithfulness  a  man  can  hold  a  posi- 
tion a  lifetime.  He  will  keep  it  just  where 
he  found  it.  But  by  the  exercise  of  this 
single  quality  he  does  not  add  to  the  impor- 
tance of  the  position  any  more  than  he  adds 
to  his  own  value.  It  is  not  enough  that  it 
should  be  said  of  a  young  man  that  he  is 
faithful ;  he  must  be  something  more.  The 
willingness  and  capacity  to  be  faithful  to  the 


THE   YOUNG   M^N  IN  BUSINESS  39 

smallest  detail  must  be  there,  serving  only, 
however,  as  a  foundation  upon  which  other 
qualities  are  built. 

Altogether  too  many  young  men  are  con- 
tent to  remain  in  the  positions  in  which  they 
find  themselves.  The  thought  of  studying 
the  needs  of  the  next  position  just  above 
them  never  seems  to  enter  into  their  minds. 
I  believe  it  is  possible  for  every  young  man 
to  rise  above  his  position,  and  I  care  not 
how  humble  that  position  may  be,  nor  under 
what  disadvantages  he  may  be  placed.  But 
he  must  be  alert.  He  must  not  be  afraid  of 
work,  and  of  the  hardest  kind  of  work.  He 
must  study  not  only  to  please,  but  he  must 
go  a  step  beyond.  It  is  essential,  of  course, 
that  he  should  first  of  all  fill  the  position  for 
which  he  is  engaged.  No  man  can  solve  the 
problem  of  business  before  he  understands 
the  rudiments  of  the  problem  itself.  Once 
the  requirements  of  a  position  are  understood 
and  mastered,  then  its  possibilities  should  be 
undertaken.  It  is  foolish  to  argue,  as  some 


40  SUCCESSWARD 

young  men  do,  that  to  go  beyond  one's  special 
position  is  made  impossible  by  an  employer. 
The  employer  never  existed  who  will  prevent 
the  cream  of  his  establishment  from  rising  to 
the  surface.  The  advance  of  an  employee 
always  means  the  advance  of  the  employer's 
interest.  Every  employer  would  rather  pay 
a  young  man  five  thousand  dollars  a  year 
than  five  hundred.  What  is  to  the  young 
man's  interests  is  in  a  far  greater  degree 
to  the  interests  of  his  employer.  A  five- 
hundred-dollar  clerkship  is  worth  just  that 
amount  to  an  employer,  and  nothing  more. 
But  a  five-thousand-dollar  man  is  fully  worth 
five  times  that  sum  to  a  business.  A  young 
man  makes  of  a  position  exactly  what  he 
chooses,  either  a  millstone  around  his  neck 
or  a  stepping-stone  to  larger  success.  The 
possibilities  lie  in  every  position ;  seeing  and 
embracing  them  rest  with  its  occupant.  The 
lowest  position  can  be  so  filled  as  to  lead  up 
to  the  next  and  become  a  part  of  it.  One 
position  should  only  be  the  chrysalis  for  the 


THE    YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS  41 

development  of  new  strength  to  master  the 
other  just  above  it. 

A  substantial  success  means  several  things. 
It  calls,  in  the  first  place,  for  concentration. 
There  is  no  truth  so  potent  as  that  which 
tells  us  that  we  cannot  serve  God  and  Mam- 
mon. Nor  can  any  young  man  successfully 
serve  two  business  interests,  no  matter  how 
closely  allied ;  in  fact,  the  more  closely  the 
interests  the  more  dangerous  are  they.  The 
human  mind  is  capable  of  just  so  much  clear 
thought,  and  generally  it  does  not  extend 
beyond  the  requirements  of  one  position  in 
these  days  of  keen  competition.  If  there 
exists  a  secret  of  success,  it  lies,  perhaps,  in 
concentration  more  than  in  any  other  single 
element.  During  business  hours  a  man 
should  be  in  business.  His  thoughts  should 
be  on  nothing  else.  Diversions  of  thought 
are  killing  to  the  best  endeavors.  The  suc- 
cessful mastery  of  business  questions  calls  for 
a  personal  interest,  a  forgetfulness  of  self, 
that  can  only  come  from  the  closest  applica- 


42  SUCCESSWARD 

tion  and  the  most  absolute  concentration.  I 
go  so  far  in  my  belief  of  concentration  to 
business  interests  in  business  hours  as  to 
argue  that  a  young  man's  personal  letters 
have  no  right  to  come  to  his  office  address, 
nor  should  he  receive  his  social  friends  at  his 
desk.  Business  hours  are  none  too  long  in 
the  great  majority  of  our  offices,  and  with  a 
rest  of  one  hour  for  luncheon,  no  one  has  a 
right  to  chop  off  fifteen  minutes  here  to  read 
an  irrelevant  personal  letter,  or  fifteen  min- 
utes there  to  talk  with  a  friend  whose 
conversation  distracts  the  mind  from  the 
problems  before  it.  Digression  is  just  as 
dangerous  as  stagnation  in  the  career  of  a 
young  man  in  business.  There  is  absolutely 
no  position  worth  the  having  in  business  life 
to-day  to  which  a  care  of  other  interests  can 
be  added.  Let  a  man  attempt  to  serve  the 
interests  of  one  master,  and  if  he  serves  him 
well  he  has  his  hands  and  his  head  full. 

There  is  a  class  of  ambitious  young  men 
who  have  what  they  choose  to  call  "  an  anchor 


THE    YOUNG   MAN  IN  BUSINESS  43 

to  the  windward"  in  their  business;  that  is, 
they  maintain  something  in  addition  to  their 
regular  position.  They  do  this  from  neces- 
sity, they  claim.  One  position  does  not 
offer  sufficient  scope  for  their  powers  or 
talents,  does  not  bring  them  sufficient  in- 
come ;  they  are  "  forced,"  they  explain, 
to  take  on  something  in  addition.  I  have 
known  such  young  men.  But  so  far  as  I 
have  been  able  to  discern,  the  trouble  does 
not  lie  so  much  with  the  position  they  occupy 
as  with  themselves.  When  a  man  turns 
away  from  the  position  he  holds  to  outside 
affairs,  he  turns  just  so  far  away  from  the 
surest  path  of  success.  To  do  one  thing 
perfectly  is  better  than  to  do  two  things  only 
fairly  well.  It  was  told  me  once,  of  one  of 
our  best-known  actors,  that  outside  of  his 
stage-knowledge  he  knew  absolutely  nothing. 
But  he  acted  well — so  well  that  he  stands 
to-day  at  the  head  of  his  profession,  and  has 
an  income  of  five  figures  several  times  over. 
All-around  geniuses  are  rare — so  rare  that 


44  SUCCESSWARD 

we  can  hardly  find  them.  It  is  a  pleasant 
thing  to  be  able  to  talk  well  on  many  topics ; 
but,  after  all,  that  is  but  a  social  accomplish- 
ment. To  know  one  thing  absolutely  means 
material  success  and  commercial  and  mental 
superiority.  I  dare  say  that  if  some  of  our 
young  men  understood  the  needs  of  the  posi- 
tions they  occupy  more  fully  than  they  do,  the 
necessity  for  outside  work  would  not  exist. 

Right  in  line  with  this  phase  of  a  young 
man's  work  comes  the  necessity  of  his  learn- 
ing that  he  cannot  do  evening  work  and  be 
employed  the  entire  day  as  well.  It  is  the 
most  difficult  thing  for  ambitious  young  men 
to  understand  that  night-work  is  physically 
and  mentally  detrimental  to  the  best  business 
success.  Let  a  machine  run  night  and  day, 
and  before  long  it  will  break  down;  and 
what  a  mechanism  of  iron  and  steel  cannot 
bear,  the  human  organism  certainly  cannot 
stand.  If  a  young  man  employs  his  even- 
ings for  work,  he  unfits  himself  for  his  work 
during  the  day.  The  mind  needs  diversion, 


THE    YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS  45 

recreation,  rest ;  and  any  mentality  kept  at  a 
certain  tension  for  more  than  seven  or  eight 
hours  per  day  will  sooner  or  later  lose  its 
keen  perceptive  powers.  No  young  man 
true  to  his  best  and  wisest  interests  will  em- 
ploy his  evenings  in  the  same  line  of  thought 
as  that  which  engrosses  him  during  the  day. 
Mental  work  is  unlike  manual  labor  in  that 
it  tires  without  physical  exhaustion ;  and  be- 
cause the  worker  does  not  feel  it  as  much 
when  he  uses  his  head  for  ten  or  twelve 
hours  per  day  as  he  would  if  he  used  the 
muscles  for  that  period  of  time,  he  goes, 
nevertheless,  unconsciously  beyond  his  pow- 
ers of  strength.  Unknown  to  him,  the  strain 
leaves  its  mark  upon  the  mind.  Youthful 
vigor  throws  its  effects  off  for  a  while,  but 
not  permanently;  and  a  man's  early  break- 
down when  he  should  be  at  the  zenith  of  his 
powers  in  middle  life  is  very  often  directly 
traceable  to  an  overtaxing  of  his  powers  in 
early  life.  But  not  only  is  the  effect  of  a  fu- 
ture character ;  it  is  noticeable  at  the  time  of 


46  SUCCESSWARD 

the  indiscretion.  It  is  seen  in  the  inability  of 
the  mind  to  respond  quickly  to  some  sugges- 
tion at  the  office ;  and  how  can  it  be  other- 
wise when  the  mind  has  been  worked  beyond 
its  normal  capacity?  There  is  no  question 
in  my  mind  whatever  that  a  young  man  is 
untrue  to  the  interests  of  his  employer  when 
he  allows  himself  to  work  during  the  evening 
hours.  Although  he  may  not  be  conscious 
of  it  himself,  he  does  not  come  to  his  work 
the  following  morning  as  fresh  as  he  might  if 
the  mind  had  been  given  a  season  of  diver- 
sion and  rest. 

I  know  whereof  I  speak  when  I  touch 
upon  this  subject.  In  common  with  other 
young  men  who  are  wiser  than  their  best  ad- 
visers, I  made  the  mistake  of  evening  work. 
For  several  years  I  gave  up  four  or  five 
evenings  of  each  week  to  literary  work. 
My  family,  my  best  friends,  my  physician, 
warned  me  to  desist.  But  I  knew  better. 
Others,  I  conceded,  undoubtedly  had  suf- 
fered from  what  I  was  doing,  but  I  should 


THE   YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS  47 

not.  I  was  strong,  young,  and  of  excellent 
physique.  I  could  stand  it;  others  could 
not;  in  fact,  I  was  an  exception  to  the  rest 
of  the  human  race.  Two  or  three  years 
went  by,  and  I  was  proud  of  proving  to  my 
advisers  that  I  was  right  and  they  were 
wrong.  But  suddenly,  with  scarce  a  warn- 
ing, the  blow  came.  Irritability  and  ner- 
vousness came  first ;  everything  annoyed  me. 
The  closing  of  a  door,  or  the  sudden  entrance 
of  a  person  into  the  room,  caused  me  to  start. 
The  harder  I  worked  the  less  I  seemed  to 
accomplish.  I  could  not  understand  it.  Then 
I  began  to  lie  awake  for  a  half-hour  after  I 
retired  ;  after  a  while  the  half-hour  lengthened 
into  an  hour,  then  into  two  hours.  Finally 
I  had  insomnia.  After  a  bit  my  digestion 
did  not  seem  to  be  as  regular ;  a  heavy  feeling 
possessed  me  after  eating.  I  was  ordered 
away ;  stayed  a  week  when  I  was  told  I 
should  remain  for  a  month.  But,  of  course, 
I  knew  better.  And  what  is  the  result? 
For  the  past  three  years  I  have  suffered  from 


48  SUCCESSU/ARD 

an  indigestion  as  constant  as  it  is  keen ;  and 
to-day  I  have  to  regulate  my  food,  my 
hours,  and  my  habits,  with  the  pleasing 
prospect  that  at  least  two  years  of  such  liv- 
ing are  ahead  of  me  before  I  can  hope  for 
relief.  And  why  ?  Simply  because  of  work- 
ing, years  ago,  when  I  should  have  been 
resting.  But  then  I  did  not  understand  it. 
I  do  now,  and  I  wish  that  every  young  man 
who  reads  these  words  might  profit  by  my 
error.  I  am  fortunate  to  get  off  with  nothing 
more  serious  than  indigestion,  but  even  that 
affliction  has  pains  which  only  those  who 
have  suffered  them  can  begin  to  fully  realize. 
Night- work,  when  employed  in  the  day,  does 
not  pay ;  on  the  contrary,  it  kills.  I  wish 
fervently  and  sincerely  that  five,  eight,  or 
ten  years  ago  I  might  have  reached  this 
point  of  wisdom.  I  did  not,  but  I  write  it 
now  and  here  as  a  warning  to  young  fellows 
who  value  their  health,  their  happiness,  their 
peace  of  mind,  and  a  comfortable  feeling  in 
the  pits  of  their  stomachs. 


THE    YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS  4!) 

A  fatal  error  in  the  case  of  many  young 
men  is  that  they  reach  a  point  where  they 
make  no  progress.  Now  stagnation  in  a 
young  man's  career  is  but  a  synonym  for 
starvation,  since  there  is  no  such  thing  as 
standing  still  in  the  business  world  of  to-day. 
Either  we  go  backward  or  we  go  forward. 
When  a  young  man  fails  to  keep  abreast  of 
the  possibilities  of  his  position  he  recedes 
constantly,  if  unconsciously,  perhaps.  The 
young  man  who  progresses  is  he  who  enters 
into  the  spirit  of  the  business  of  his  employer, 
and  who  points  out  new  methods  to  him, 
advances  new  ideas,  suggests  new  channels 
and  outputs.  There  is  not  a  more  direct 
road  to  the  confidence  of  an  employer  than 
for  that  employer  to  see  that  any  one  of  his 
clerks  understands  the  details  of  his  business 
better  than  himself.  That  young  man  com- 
mands the  attention  of  his  chief  at  once,  and 
when  a  vacancy  occurs  he  is  apt  to  step  into 
it,  if  he  does  not  forge  over  the  shoulders  of 
others.  Young  men  who  think  clearly,  who 


50  SUCCESSW4RD 

can  conceive,  create,  and  carry  out,  are  not 
so  plentiful  that  even  a  single  one  will  be  lost 
sight  of.  It  is  no  special  art,  and  it  reflects 
but  little  credit  upon  any  man,  to  simply  fill 
a  position.  That  is  expected  of  him ;  he  is 
engaged  to  do  that,  and  it  is  only  a  fair 
return  for  a  certain  payment  made.  The  art 
lies  in  doing  more  than  was  bargained  for; 
in  proving  greater  than  was  expected ;  in 
making  more  of  a  position  than  has  ever 
been  made  before.  A  quick  conception  is 
needed  here,  the  ability  to  view  a  broad  ho- 
rizon ;  for  it  is  the  liberal-minded  man,  not 
the  man  of  narrow  limitations,  who  makes 
the  success  of  to-day.  A  young  man  show- 
ing such  qualities  to  an  employer  does  not 
remain  in  one  position  long. 

Two  traps  in  which  young  men  in  business 
often  fall  are  a  disregard  for  small  things, 
and  an  absolute  fear  of  making  mistakes. 
One  of  the  surest  keys  to  success  lies  in 
thoroughness.  No  matter  how  great  may 
be  the  enterprise  undertaken,  a  regard  for 


THE    YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS  51 

the  small  things  is  necessary.  Just  as  the 
little  courtesies  of  every-day  life  make  life 
worth  the  living,  so  the  little  details  form  the 
bone  and  sinew  of  a  great  success.  A  thing 
half  or  three-quarters  done  is  worse  than  not 
done  at  all.  Let  a  man  be  careful  of  the 
small  things  in  business,  and  he  can  generally 
be  relied  upon  for  the  greater  ones,  provided, 
of  course,  that  he  possesses  broadness  of 
mind.  The  man  who  can  overcome  small 
worries  is  greater  than  the  man  who  can 
override  great  obstacles.  When  a  young 
man  becomes  so  ambitious  for  large  success 
that  he  overlooks  the  small  things,  he  is 
pretty  apt  to  encounter  failure.  There  is 
nothing  in  business  so  infinitesimal  that  we 
can  afford  to  do  it  in  a  slipshod  fashion.  It 
is  no  art  to  answer  twenty  letters  in  a  morn- 
ing when  they  are,  in  reality,  only  half 
answered.  When  we  commend  brevity  in 
business  letters  we  do  not  mean  brusqueness. 
Nothing  stamps  the  character  of  a  house  so 
clearly  as  the  letters  it  sends  out. 


52  SUCCESSWARD 

The  fear  of  making  mistakes  keeps  many 
a  young  man  down.  Of  course  errors  in 
business  are  costly,  and  it  is  better  not  to 
make  them.  But,  at  the  same  time,  I 
would  not  give  a  snap  of  the  finger  for  a 
young  man  who  has  never  made  mistakes. 
But  there  are  mistakes  and  mistakes;  some 
easy  to  be  overlooked,  and  others  it  is  better 
not  to  blink  at  in  an  employee.  A  mistake 
of  judgment  is  possible  with  us  all ;  the  best 
of  us  are  not  above  a  wrong  decision.  And  a 
young  man  who  holds  back  for  fear  of  making 
mistakes  loses  the  first  point  of  success. 

I  know  there  are  thousands  of  young  men 
who  feel  themselves  incompetent  for  a  busi- 
ness career  because  of  a  lack  of  early  educa- 
tion. And  here  might  come  in — if  I  chose 
to  discuss  the  subject,  which  I  do  not — the 
oft-mooted  question  of  the  exact  value  of  a 
college  education  to  the  young  man  in  busi- 
ness. Far  abler  pens  than  mine  have  treated 
of  this ;  it  is  certainly  not  for  me  to  enter 
into  it  here.  But  I  will  say  this :  a  young 


THE    YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS  53 

man  need  not  feel  that  the  lack  of  a  college 
education  will  stand  in  any  respect  whatever 
in  the  way  of  his  success  in  the  business 
world.  No  college  on  earth  ever  made  a 
business  man.  The  knowledge  acquired  in 
college  has  fitted  thousands  of  men  for  pro- 
fessional success,  but  it  has  also  unfitted 
other  thousands  for  a  practical  business 
career.  A  college  training  is  never  wasted, 
although  I  have  seen  again  and  again  five- 
thousand-dollar  educations  spent  on  five- 
hundred-dollar  men.  Where  a  young  man 
can  bring  a  college  education  to  the  require- 
ments of  a  practical  business  knowledge  it 
is  an  advantage.  But  before  our  American 
colleges  become  an  absolute  factor  in  the 
business  capacities  of  men,  their  methods  of 
study  and  learning  will  have  to  be  radically 
changed.  I  have  had  associated  with  me 
both  kinds  of  young  men,  collegiate  and 
non-collegiate,  and  I  must  confess  that  the 
ones  who  had  a  better  knowledge  of  the 
practical  part  of  life  have  been  those  who 


54  SUCCESSU/4RD 

never  saw  the  inside  of  a  college  and  whose 
feet  never  stood  upon  a  campus.  College- 
bred  men  and  men  who  never  had  college 
advantages  have  succeeded  in  about  equal 
ratios.  The  men  occupying  the  most  im- 
portant commercial  positions  in  New  York 
to-day  are  self-made,  whose  only  education 
has  come  to  them  from  contact  with  that 
greatest  college  of  all,  the  business  world. 
Far  be  it  from  me  to  depreciate  the  value  of 
a  college  education.  I  believe  in  its  advan- 
tages too  firmly.  But  no  young  man  need 
feel  hampered  because  of  the  lack  of  it.  If 
business  qualities  are  in  him  they  will  come 
to  the  surface.  It  is  not  the  college  educa- 
tion ;  it  is  the  young  man.  Without  its  pos- 
session as  great  and  honorable  successes  have 
been  made  as  with  it.  Men  are  not  accepted 
in  the  business  world  upon  their  collegiate 
diplomas,  nor  on  the  knowledge  these  imply. 
They  are  taken  for  what  they  are,  for  what 
they  know. 

The  young  man  engaged  in  business  to- 


55 

day  in  this  country  has  advantages  exceed- 
ing those  of  any  generation  before  him. 
And  I  do  not  say  this  simply  as  an  echo  of 
what  others  before  me  have  said,  or  to  use 
a  platitudinous  phrase.  There  never  was  a 
time  in  the  world's  history  when  a  young 
man  had  the  opportunity  to  make  something 
of  himself  that  he  has  at  the  present  day. 
He  lives  in  a  country  where  every  success  is 
possible ;  where  a  man  can  make  of  himself 
what  he  may  choose ;  where  energy  and 
enterprise  are  appreciated,  and  a  market  is 
always  ready  for  good  wares.  Young  men 
have  forged  to  the  front  wonderfully  during 
the  past  ten  years.  Employers  are  more  than 
ever  willing  to  lay  great  responsibilities  on 
their  shoulders.  Salaries  are  higher  than 
ever;  young  men  never  before  earned  the 
incomes  which  are  received  by  some  to-day. 
All  success  is  possible. 

But  a  young  man  must  be  alert  to  every 
opportunity.  He  cannot  forget  himself  for 
a  moment  in  business.  A  man's  best  work- 


56  SUCCESSIVE  RD 

ing  years  are  not  many,  and  when  they  are 
upon  him  he  must  make  hay,  and  all  the  hay 
he  can.  No  young  man  can  afford  to  reach 
the  age  of  thirty  without  feeling  that  he  is 
settled  in  a  business  way.  Before  that  time 
he  flounders;  but  at  thirty  the  floundering 
time  should  be  over.  He  should  have  found 
that  special  trade  or  profession  for  which  he 
thinks  he  is  most  capable.  This  age  is  gen- 
erally accepted,  I  believe,  for  the  reason  that 
a  man  is  most  likely  to  do  his  best  work  be- 
tween thirty  and  forty ;  after  forty  a  man's 
work  is  not  apt  to  have  that  energy  and  snap 
that  is  born  of  youth,  and  the  tendency  is 
first  shown  in  his  willingness  to  deputize 
details  to  others.  I  do  not  mean  to  say  that 
a  man  begins  to  decline  at  forty ;  on  the 
contrary,  he  is  at  his  prime,  and  he  remains 
so  for  ten  or  fifteen  years.  But  he  is  better 
for  judgment  than  he  is  for  working  out 
details.  A  man's  real  work,  his  energetic 
work,  his  laborious  work,  is  generally  done 
before  he  reaches  thirty-five. 


THE    YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS  57 

And  not  only  must  he  practically  make  him- 
self between  thirty  and  forty,  but  he  must  not 
spend  all  that  he  earns.  He  must  lay  aside  a 
goodly  portion  of  his  earnings.  It  is  a  cruel 
but  a  hard  fact  that  the  business  world  has  very 
little  use  for  what  are  termed  old  men  now- 
adays ;  and  in  these  times  of  keen  competitive 
strife  a  man  is  judged  to  be  old  very  early 
from  the  cold  commercial  point  of  view. 
He  may  not  consider  himself  as  being  old, 
but  he  is  no  longer  considered  to  be  "  in  the 
race  "  with  the  younger  men,  who  naturally 
have  quicker  perceptions  and  whose  sense 
of  alertness  is  necessarily  keener.  The  most 
successful  man  at  forty  is  very  often  the 
man  who  is  quietly  pushed  aside  at  sixty. 
If  young  men  earning  good  incomes  between 
thirty  and  forty  would  look  a  little  ahead, 
and  consider  the  inevitable  fact  that  as  they 
grow  older  their  value  is  very  apt  to  lessen 
in  a  commercial  sense,  they  would  save 
themselves  much  after-humiliation  and  sor- 
rowful retrospection.  It  is  hard  for  a  young 


58  SUCCESSWARD 

man  at,  say,  thirty-five,  in  the  full  flush  and 
vigor  of  manhood,  to  realize  that  a  time  will 
come  when  others  as  clever  as  himself  and  a 
bit  cleverer  will  pass  him  by.  But  the  cold 
fact  exists,  nevertheless,  and  he  is  wise  who, 
at  his  prime,  thinks  of  a  time  which  is  almost 
sure  to  come  to  every  man  who  lives. 

And  yet,  while  a  young  man  may  be  ambi- 
tious for  success  in  business,  he  cannot  afford 
to  get  impatient  or  restless.  Not  long  ago  I 
received  a  letter  from  a  young  fellow  which 
particularly  reflected  the  feeling  that  I  mean. 
He  wrote  me  that  he  was  twenty,  and  was  im- 
patient because  he  did  not  make  the  progress 
in  his  business  which  he  felt  that  he  should. 
He  confessed  that  he  was  not  so  very  much 
dissatisfied  with  his  salary,  which  was  twenty- 
two  dollars  per  week,  although  he  thought  it 
ought  to  be  forty  dollars.  Unfortunately  for 
him,  however,  his  employers  did  not  seem 
to  think  so,  and  he  was  quite  sure  he  was 
"  being  kept  back."  He  conceded  that  he 


THE    YOUNG  M4N  IN  BUSINESS  59 

was  "  becoming  impatient,"  but  insisted  that 
he  had  reason  to  feel  so. 

Well,  I  felt  precisely  the  same  way  when 
I  was  twenty;  only  my  salary  was  eighteen 
dollars  and  thirty-three  cents  per  week,  and 
I  felt  quite  sure  that  the  figures  ought  to  be 
reversed.  And  there  were  several  positions 
just  beyond  me,  too,  which  I  felt  I  should 
justly  be  asked  to  occupy.  But  I  was  not, 
and,  of  course,  I  felt  aggrieved.  I  considered 
myself  imposed  upon.  Now  when  I  look 
back  upon  that  time  I  can  see  that  the  reason 
my  salary  was  not  thirty-three  dollars  and 
eighteen  cents  was  simply  because  I  was  in- 
capable of  earning  that  amount.  I  was  not 
worth  it  to  my  employer.  And  the  reason  I 
did  not  get  those  several  positions  just  ahead 
of  me  was  because  I  could  not  have  filled 
them  if  I  had  gotten  them — not  one  of  them. 
But  I  am  a  little  more  than  twenty  now,  and 
my  correspondent,  when  he  is  about  ten 
years  older,  will  understand  a  great  many 


60  SUCCESSWARD 

things  that  are  not  very  clear  to  him  just 
now.  Of  course  he  probably  will  not  choose 
to  believe  this ;  youths  of  twenty  are  not  apt 
to  believe  much  that  is  told  them,  since  they 
have  so  little  to  learn ! 

But,  if  I  were  back  to  twenty  again,  and, 
with  my  later  knowledge,  were  earning 
twenty-two  dollars  per  week,  I  should  not 
only  be  satisfied,  but  I  should  be  intensely 
thankful.  I  think,  too,  that  the  knowledge 
that  there  were  thousands  of  men  of  forty 
and  fifty  years  who  were  not  earning  as 
much  would  help  me  to  endure  the  ordeal. 
I  think  that  instead  of  rebelling  at  the  fact 
that  I  was  earning  twenty-two  dollars,  I 
should  rather  devote  my  time  to  trying  to 
find  the  best  way  of  doubling  it.  I  might 
not  be  able  to  make  twenty-five  dollars  for  a 
year  or  two,  but  I  should  endeavor  to  do  so. 
In  fact,  if  we  look  over  the  field,  there  are 
more  young  men  of  twenty-one  who  are 
worth  less  than  twenty-five  dollars  per  week 
than  there  are  who  are  worth  that  or  more. 


THE    YOUNG   MAN  IN  BUSINESS  61 

And  one  proof  of  this  is  found  in  the  fact  that 
in  New  York  City  alone  there  are  tens  of 
thousands  of  young  men  at  that  age  who  are 
not  earning  eighteen  dollars  per  week.  In 
addition  to  all  this  I  might  be  tempted  to 
believe  that  too  rapid  advance  might  not  be 
the  best  thing  in  the  world  for  me.  Too 
large  an  income,  even  when  deserved,  is  far 
often  more  of  a  hindrance  to  a  young  man 
of  twenty-one  or  thereabouts  than  a  help. 
What  I  should  feel  willing  to  do  would  be 
this :  if  I  felt  that  my  employer  was  a  man 
of  honor  and  judgment  I  should  leave  myself 
in  his  hands  for  a  while.  I  should  do  him 
the  courtesy  of  believing  that  he  knew  more 
than  I  did.  A  man  at  fifty  is  sometimes  apt 
to  know  more — if  only  a  very  little  more — 
than  a  boy  of  twenty ;  and  if  I  had  his  confi- 
dence and  felt  that  I  was  pleasing  him  with 
my  services,  I  should  let  him  go  at  that — for 
a  time,  at  any  rate. 

There    are    hundreds    of   young   men    in 
business  to-day  who  feel  just  as  restless  and 


62  SUCCESSWARD 

impatient  as  did  this  correspondent.  But 
these  young  men  should  bear  a  few  things  in 
mind.  They  should  remember,  first  of  all, 
that  between  the  years  of  twenty  and  twenty- 
five  a  young  man  acquires  rather  than 
achieves.  It  is  the  learning  period  of  life, 
the  experience-gaining  time.  Knowledge 
that  is  worth  anything  does  not  come  to  us 
until  we  are  past  twenty -five.  The  mind 
before  that  age  is  incapable  of  forming  wise 
judgments.  The  great  art  of  accurate  deci- 
sion in  business  matters  is  not  acquired  in 
a  few  weeks  of  commercial  life.  It  is  the 
result  of  years.  It  is  not  only  the  power 
within  himself,  but  the  experience  behind 
him,  that  makes  a  successful  business  man. 
The  commercial  world  is  only  a  greater 
school  than  the  one  of  slates  and  slate-pen- 
cils. No  boy,  after  attending  school  for  five 
years,  would  consider  himself  competent  to 
teach.  And  surely  five  years  of  commercial 
apprenticeship  will  not  fit  a  young  man  to 
assume  a  position  of  trust,  nor  give  him  the 


THE    YOUNG   MAN  IN  BUSINESS  63 

capacity  to  decide  upon  important  business 
matters.  In  the  first  five  years — yes,  in  the 
first  ten  years — of  a  young  man's  business 
life  he  is  only  in  the  primary  department  of 
the  great  commercial  world.  It  is  for  him, 
then,  to  study  methods,  to  observe  other 
men — in  short,  to  learn  and  not  hope  to 
achieve.  That  will  come  later.  Business, 
simple  as  it  may  look  to  the  young  man,  is, 
nevertheless,  a  very  intricate  affair,  and  it  is 
only  by  years  of  closest  study  that  we  master 
an  understanding  of  it. 

The  electric  atmosphere  of  the  American 
business  world  is  all  too  apt  to  make  our 
young  men  impatient.  They  want  to  fly 
before  they  can  even  walk  well.  Ambition 
is  a  splendid  thing  in  any  young  man.  But 
getting  along  too  fast  is  just  as  injurious 
as  getting  along  too  slow.  A  young  man 
between  twenty  and  twenty-five  must  be 
patient.  I  know  patience  is  a  difficult  thing 
to  cultivate,  but  it  is  among  the  first  lessons 
we  must  learn  in  business.  A  good  stock  of 


64  SUCCESSWARD 

patience,  acquired  in  early  life,  will  stand  a 
man  in  good  stead  in  later  years.  It  is  a 
handy  thing  to  have  and  draw  upon,  and 
makes  a  splendid  safety-valve.  Because  a 
young  man,  as  he  approaches  twenty-five, 
begins  to  see  things  more  plainly  than  he  did 
five  years  before,  he  must  not  get  the  idea 
that  he  is  a  business  man  yet,  and  entitled  to 
a  man's  salary.  If  business  questions  which 
he  did  not  understand  five  years  before  now 
begin  to  look  clearer  to  him,  it  is  because  he 
is  passing  through  the  transitory  state  that 
divides  the  immature  judgment  of  the  young 
man  from  the  ripening  penetration  of  the 
man.  He  is  simply  beginning.  From  that 
point  he  will  grow,  and  his  salary  will  grow 
as  he  grows.  But  Rome  was  not  built  in  a 
day,  and  a  business  man  is  not  made  in  a 
night.  As  experience  comes,  the  judgment 
will  become  mature;  and  by  the  time  the 
young  man  reaches  thirty  he  will  begin  to 
realize  that  he  did  not  know  as  much  at 
twenty-five  as  he  thought  he  did.  And 


THE   YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS  65 

when  he  is  ready  to  learn  from  others  he  will 
begin  to  grow  wise.  And  when  he  reaches 
that  state  where  he  is  willing  to  concede  that 
he  has  not  a  "  corner"  in  knowledge,  he  will 
be  stepping  out  of  the  chrysalis  of  youth. 

And  so  to  a  young  man  in  business  or  just 
starting  in  business  I  would  say,  remember 
these  very  essential  truths. 

Above  all  things,  before  a  young  man 
attempts  to  make  a  success  he  should  con- 
vince himself  that  he  is  in  a  congenial  busi- 
ness. Whether  it  be  a  trade  or  a  profession 
— both  are  honorable  and  productive — let 
him  satisfy  himself,  above  everything  else, 
that  it  enlists  his  personal  interest.  If  a  man 
shows  that  he  has  his  work  at  heart  his  suc- 
cess can  be  relied  on.  Personal  interest  in 
any  work  will  bring  other  things ;  but  all  the 
other  essentials  combined  cannot  create  per- 
sonal interest.  That  must  exist  first;  then 
two  thirds  of  the  battle  is  won.  Fully  satis- 
fied that  he  is  in  that  particular  line  of 
business  for  which  he  feels  a  stronger, 


66  SUCCESSWARD 

warmer  interest  than  for  any  other,  then  he 
should  remember: 

First,  that,  whatever  else  he  may  strive  to 
be,  he  must,  above  all,  be  absolutely  honest. 
From  honorable  principles  he  can  never 
swerve.  A  temporary  success  is  often  pos- 
sible on  what  are  not  exactly  dishonest,  but 
"  shady  "  lines.  Such  success,  however,  is 
only  temporary,  with  a  certainty  of  perma- 
nent loss.  The  surest  business  successes — 
yes,  the  only  successes  worth  the  making — 
are  built  upon  honest  foundations.  There  can 
be  no  "  blinking"  at  the  truth  or  at  honesty,  no 
half-way  compromise.  There  is  but  one  way 
to  be  successful,  and  that  is  to  be  absolutely 
honest ;  and  there  is  but  one  way  of  being 
honest.  Honesty  is  not  only  the  foundation, 
but  the  capstone  as  well,  of  business  success. 

Second,  he  must  be  alert,  alive  to  every 
opportunity.  He  cannot  afford  to  lose  a 
single  point,  for  that  single  point  might  prove 
the  very  link  that  would  make  complete  the 
whole  chain  of  a  business  success. 


THE   YOUNG  MAN  IN  BUSINESS  67 

Third,  he  must  ever  be  willing  to  learn, 
never  overlooking  the  fact  that  others  have 
long  ago  forgotten  what  he  has  still  to  learn. 
Firmness  of  decision  is  an  admirable  trait 
in  business.  The  young  man  whose  opinion 
can  be  tossed  from  one  side  to  another  is 
poor  material.  But  youth  is  full  of  errors, 
and  caution  is  a  strong  trait. 

Fourth,  if  he  be  wise  he  will  entirely  avoid 
the  use  of  liquors.  If  the  question  of  harm 
done  by  intoxicating  liquor  is  an  open  one, 
the  question  of  the  actual  good  derived  from 
it  is  not. 

Fifth,  let  him  remember  that  a  young 
man's  strongest  recommendation  is  his  re- 
spectability. Some  young  men,  apparently 
successful,  may  be  flashy  in  dress,  loud  in 
manner,  and  disrespectful  of  women  and 
sacred  things.  But  the  young  man  who  is 
respectable  always  wears  best.  The  way  a 
young  man  carries  himself  in  his  private  life 
ofttimes  means  much  to  him  in  his  business 
career.  No  matter  where  he  is,  or  in  whose 


68  SUCCESSIV/1RD 

company,  respectability,  and  all  that  it  im- 
plies, will  always  command  respect. 

And  if  any  young  man  wishes  a  set  of  rules 
even  more  concise,  here  it  is : 

Get  into  a  business  you  like. 

Devote  yourself  to  it. 

Be  honest  in  everything. 

Employ  caution;  think  out  a  thing  well 
before  you  enter  upon  it. 

Sleep  eight  hours  every  night. 

Do  everything  that  means  keeping  in  good 
health. 

School  yourself  not  to  worry ;  worry  kills, 
work  does  not. 

Avoid  liquors  of  all  kinds. 

If  you  must  smoke,  smoke  moderately. 

Shun  discussion  on  two  points — religion 
and  politics. 

And  last,  but  not  least,  marry  a  true 
woman,  and  have  your  own  home. 


IV 
HIS  SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS 


69 


IV 

HIS   SOCIAL   LIFE   AND   AMUSEMENTS 

|HE  social  life  of  a  young  man  has  a 
direct  and  important  bearing  upon 
his  success,  and  he  cannot  be  too 
careful  of  what  forms  of  amusement  he 
allows  to  come  into  his  hours  of  leisure. 

From  a  business  standpoint  it  is  all-impor- 
tant that  he  keep  a  careful  watch  on  his  social 
habits.  For  it  is  not  enough  for  any  young 
man  that  he  should  only  take  care  of  himself 
during  his  working-hours.  To  social  dissi- 
pations at  night  can  be  traced  the  downfall 
of  hundreds  upon  hundreds  of  young  men. 
The  idea  that  an  employer  has  no  control 
over  a  young  man's  time  away  from  the 
office  is  a  dangerous  fallacy.  An  employer 
has  every  right  to  ask  that  those  into  whose 


72  SUCCESSW/1RD 

hands  he  intrusts  responsibilities  shall  follow 
social  habits  which  will  not  endanger  his  in- 
terests upon  the  morrow.  So  far  as  social 
life  is  concerned,  young  men  generally  run 
to  extremes.  Either  they  do  not  go  out 
at  all,  which  is  stagnating,  or  they  go  out 
too  much,  which  is  deadly.  Only  here  and 
there  is  found  one  who  knows  the  happy 
medium ;  a  certain  amount  of  social  diver- 
sion is  essential  to  everybody — boy,  man,  girl, 
or  woman ;  and  particularly  so  to  a  young 
man  with  a  career  to  make.  To  come  into 
contact  with  the  social  side  of  people  is 
broadening;  it  is  educative.  "To  know 
people,"  says  a  writer,  "  you  must  see  them 
at  play."  Social  life  can  be  made  a  study  at 
the  same  time  that  it  is  made  a  pleasure. 
To  know  the  wants  of  people,  to  learn  their 
softer  side,  you  must  come  into  contact  with 
their  social  natures.  No  young  man  can 
afford  to  deny  himself  certain  pleasures,  or  a 
reasonable  amount  of  contact  with  people  in 
the  outer  world.  It  is  to  his  advantage  that 


HIS  SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS       73 

people  should  know  he  exists  ;  it  is  important 
to  the  wise  shaping  of  his  aims  and  aspira- 
tions. It  is  well  for  him  to  keep  himself 
honorably  in  the  eyes  of  people.  His  even- 
ing diversions  should  be  as  widely  different 
from  his  occupations  during  the  day  as  possi- 
ble. The  mind  needs  a  change  of  thought 
as  well  as  does  the  body  a  change  of  raiment. 
"  All  work  and  no  play  makes  Jack  a  dull 
boy  "  contains  a  vast  amount  of  truth. 

At  the  same  time,  nothing  is  more  injuri- 
ous to  the  chances  of  a  young  man  in  busi- 
ness than  an  over-indulgence  in  the  pleasures 
of  what,  for  the  want  of  a  better  word,  we 
call  "society."  It  is  a  rough  but  a  true 
saying  that  "  a  man  cannot  drink  whisky  and 
be  in  business."  Perhaps  a  softer  and  more 
refined  translation  of  this  is  that  a  man  can- 
not be  in  society  and  be  in  business.  This  is 
impossible,  and  nothing  that  a  young  man 
can  bear  in  mind  will  stand  him  to  such  good 
account  as  this  fact.  No  mind  can  be  fresh 
in  the  morning  that  has  been  kept  at  a  ten- 


74  SUCCESSW/1RD 

sion  the  night  before  by  late  hours,  or  been 
befogged  by  indulgence  in  late  suppers.  We 
need  more  sleep  at  twenty  or  twenty- five 
than  we  do  at  fifty ;  and  the  young  man  who 
grants  himself  less  than  eight  hours'  sleep 
every  night  just  robs  himself  of  so  much 
vitality.  So  far  as  the  required  amount  of 
sleeping  is  concerned,  I  hold  to  this  inexo- 
rable rule :  sleep  eight  hours  every  night  and 
an  extra  hour  whenever  possible.  The  most 
successful  men  have  repeatedly  acknowledged 
that  to  a  regularity  in  hours  of  retiring  they 
can  trace  a  large  part  of  their  ability  to  com- 
pass the  questions  which  enter  into  a  success- 
ful career. 

One  rule  should  be  positive  with  every 
young  man :  the  midnight  hours  should  be 
passed  in  sleep ;  and  by  these  hours  I  mean 
eleven  and  twelve  o'clock.  If  a  young  man 
makes  it  a  rule  to  be  asleep  by  eleven 
and  up  by  seven,  he  chooses  the  course 
which  hundreds  of  the  most  successful  men 
of  the  day  have  chosen.  The  loss  of  vitality 


HIS  SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS      75 

brought  by  less  than  eight  hours'  sleep  may 
not  be  felt  or  noticed  at  present,  but  the 
process  of  sleeping  is  only  nature's  banking 
system  of  principal  and  interest.  A  mind 
capable  of  the  fulfilment  of  its  highest  duties 
should  be  receptive  to  ideas,  quick  to  com- 
prehend, instantaneous  in  its  conception  of  a 
point.  With  a  fresh  mind  and  a  clear  brain 
a  young  man  has  two  of  the  greatest  levers 
of  success.  These  cannot  be  retained  under 
social  indulgences.  The  dissipation  of  a 
night  has  its  invariable  influence  upon  the 
work  of  the  morrow.  I  do  not  preach  total 
abstinence  of  any  habits  to  which  human 
nature  is  prone.  Every  man  ought  to  know 
what  is  good  for  him  and  what  is  injurious  to 
his  best  interests.  But  an  excess  of  anything 
is  injurious,  and  a  young  man  on  the  thresh- 
old of  a  business  career  cannot  afford  to  be  ex- 
cessive in  a  single  direction.  He  should  hus- 
band his  resources.  He  will  need  them  all. 
For  no  success  is  easily  made  in  these 
days.  Appearances  are  tremendously  de- 


76  SUCCESSIVARD 

ceptive  in  this  respect.  We  see  men  making 
what  we  choose  to  regard  and  what  are  known 
as  quick  successes,  because  at  a  comparatively 
early  age  they  acquire  position  or  means. 
But  one  needs  only  to  study  the  conditions 
of  the  business  life  of  to-day  to  see  how  im- 
possible it  is  to  achieve  any  success  except 
by  the  severest  patience  and  by  the  very 
hardest  work.  No  young  man  need  ap- 
proach a  business  career  with  the  idea  that 
its  achievement  "is  easy.  The  histories  of 
successful  men  tell  us  all  too  clearly  the  les- 
sons of  the  patience  and  efforts  of  years. 
Some  men  compass  a  successful  career  in  less 
time  than  others.  And  if  the  methods  em- 
ployed are  necessarily  different,  the  require- 
ments are  precisely  the  same.  It  is  a  story 
of  hard  work  in  every  case,  of  close  applica- 
tion, and  of  a  patient  mastery  of  the  problem 
in  hand.  Advantages  of  education  will  come 
in  at  times  and  push  one  man  ahead  of  an- 
other. But  a  practical  business  knowledge 
is  apt  to  be  a  greater  possession. 


HIS  SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS      77 

"  But,"  says  some  young  fellow,  "  what  are 
the  social  pleasures  and  indulgences  which 
injuriously  affect  a  young  man's  success?" 
Only  one  general  answer  can  be  given,  and 
it  is  this :  any  social  pleasure  or  indulgence 
which  affects  a  young  man's  health  affects  his 
success.  Good  health  is  the  foundation  of 
all  possible  success  in  life ;  affect  the  one  and 
you  affect  the  other. 

I  presume  it  is  safe  to  say  that  -no  single 
element  in  social  life  has  injured  so  many 
young  men  as  an  indulgence  in  intoxicating 
liquors,  and  I  shall  treat  of  this  first.  And 
in  doing  so  I  shall  take  the  matter  entirely 
away  from  the  moral  standpoint,  and  place  it 
simply  on  its  best  and  wisest  basis,  that  of 
principle.  Many  a  writer — too  many,  alas! 
— has  held  forth  on  this  subject  of  wine- 
drinking  and  young  men,  and  pointed  out  its 
moral  aspects.  This  is  all  very  well  as  far 
as  it  goes ;  but  I  think  that  if  more  writers 
placed  their  young-men  readers  on  their 
honor  in  this  matter  it  would  be  infinitely 


78  SUCCESSWARD 

better.  It  is  not  a  question  of  whether  it  is 
right  or  wrong  for  a  young  man  to  indulge 
in  spirituous  drinks,  so  far  as  his  success  is 
concerned.  It  simply  amounts  to  one  thing: 
he  absolutely  cannot  do  it.  And  I  can  say 
this  to  every  young  fellow  from  my  own  ex- 
perience and  observation  as  a  young  man 
who,  when  he  started  out,  did  not  know 
exactly  what  position  to  take. 

I  was  about  sixteen  years  old,  if  I  remem- 
ber rightly,  when  I  began  attending  public 
dinners  and  assemblages  in  the  capacity  of  a 
newspaper  reporter.  Wines  were  then  more 
freely  used  at  dinners  than  now,  and  I  soon 
saw  that  I  must  make  up  my  mind  whether 
at  these  gatherings  I  should  partake  of  wines 
or  decline  them.  I  had  been  trained  to  the 
belief  that  it  was  always  best  to  err  on  the 
safe  side,  and  as  I  sat  down  to  my  first  public 
dinner — a  New  England  dinner  in  Brooklyn 
— I  shielded  the  wine-glasses  set  before  me 
as  the  waiters  came  to  my  plate,  and  this 
practice  I  have  followed  ever  since. 


HIS  SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS       79 

At  first  my  principle  never  to  touch  liquor 
or  spirits  of  any  kind  directed  to  me  the 
chaffings  of  my  friends.  I  was  told  it  looked 
"babyish";  that  I  could  not  expect  to  go 
out  much  and  keep  to  my  principle ;  that  I 
would  often  find  it  considered  discourteous 
to  refuse  a  simple  glass  of  wine  tendered 
by  my  hostess.  But  I  made  up  my  mind 
that  there  was  no  use  of  having  a  principle 
unless  one  stuck  to  it.  And  I  soon  saw  that 
people  respected  me  the  more  for  it.  And 
just  let  me  say  right  here  to  all  young  men: 
I  never  lost  one  friend  by  my  refusals,  but 
I  made  scores  of  friendships — of  men,  from 
one  who  has  occupied  the  presidential  chair 
down ;  of  women,  among  whom  are  the  best 
and  most  famous  in  our  land  to-day. 

I  honestly  believe  thaf  a  young  man  who 
starts  out  in  life  with  a  fixed  principle — 
whether  it  be  that  he  will  not  drink,  or  smoke, 
or  indulge  in  anything  which  in  his  heart  he 
feels  is  not  good  for  him,  or  in  which  he  does 
not  conscientiously  believe — and  adheres  to 


80  SUCCESS  WARD 

that  principle,  no  matter  under  what  circum- 
stances he  may  be  placed,  holds  in  his  hand 
one  of  the  most  powerful  elements  of  success 
in  the  world  to-day.  There  is  a  great  deal 
of  common  sense  abroad  in  this  world  of 
ours,  and  a  young  man  with  a  good  principle 
is  always  safe  to  depend  upon  it.  The  men 
and  women  whose  friendships  are  worth  hav- 
ing are  the  men  and  women  who  have  prin- 
ciples themselves,  and  respect  them  in  others, 
especially  when  they  find  them  in  a  young 
man. 

Another  thing  which  led  me  to  make  up 
my  mind  never  to  touch  liquor  was  the 
damage  which  I  saw  wrought  by  it  upon 
some  of  the  finest  minds  with  which  it  was 
ever  my  privilege  to  come  in  contact ;  and  I 
concluded  that  what  had  resulted  injuriously 
to  others  might  prove  so  to  me.  I  have 
seen,  even  in  my  few  years  of  professional 
life,  some  of  the  smartest — yea,  brilliant — 
literary  men  dethroned  from  splendid  posi- 
tions owing  to  nothing  else  but  their  indul- 


HIS  SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS       81 

gence  in  wine.  I  have  known  men  with 
salaries  of  thousands  of  dollars  per  year, 
occupying  positions  which  hundreds  would 
strive  a  lifetime  to  attain,  come  to  beggary 
from  drink.  Only  recently  there  applied  to 
me,  for  any  position  I  could  offer  him,  one  of 
the  most  brilliant  editorial  writers  in  the 
newspaper  profession — a  man  who,  two  years 
ago,  easily  commanded  one  hundred  dollars 
for  a  single  article  in  his  special  field.  That 
man  became  so  unreliable  from  drink  that 
editors  are  now  afraid  of  his  articles;  and 
although  he  can  to-day  write  as  forcible  edi- 
torials as  at  any  time  during  his  life,  he 
sits  in  a  cellar  in  one  of  our  cities  writing 
newspaper  wrappers  for  one  dollar  per  thou- 
sand. And  that  is  only  one  instance  of 
several  I  could  recite  here.  I  do  not  hold 
my  friend  up  as  a  "  terrible  example  "  ;  he  is 
but  a  type  who  convinced  me,  and  may  con- 
vince others,  that  a  clear  mind  and  liquor  do 
not  go  together. 

I  know  it  is  said,  when  one  brings  up  such 


82  SUCCESSIV4RD 

an  instance  as  this,  "  Oh  well,  that  man 
drank  to  excess.  One  glass  will  hurt  no 
one."  How  do  these  people  know  that  it 
will  not?  One  drop  of  kerosene  has  been 
known  to  throw  into  flame  an  almost  hopeless 
fire,  and  one  glass  of  liquor  may  fan  into  a 
flame  a  smoldering  spark  hid  away  where  we 
never  thought  it  existed.  The  spark  may  be 
there  and  it  may  not.  Why  take  the  risk? 
Liquor  to  a  healthy  young  man  will  never 
do  him  the  least  particle  of  good ;  it  may  do 
him  harm.  The  man  for  whom  I  have  ab- 
solutely no  use  is  the  man  who  is  continually 
asking  a  young  man  to  "just  have  a  little; 
one  glass,  you  know."  A  man  who  will  wit- 
tingly urge  a  young  man  whom  he  knows  has 
a  principle  against  liquor  is  a  man  for  whom 
a  halter  is  too  good. 

Then,  as  I  looked  around  and  came  to 
know  more  of 'people  and  things,  I  found  the 
always  unanswerable  argument  in  favor  of  a 
young  man's  abstinence,  i.e.,  that  the  most 
successful  men  in  America  to-day  are  those 


HIS  SOCIAL   LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS       83 

who  seldom,  if  ever,  lift  a  wine-glass  to  their 
lips.  Becoming  interested  in  this  fact,  I  had 
the  curiosity  to  personally  inquire  into  it, 
and  of  twenty-eight  of  the  leading  business 
men  in  the  country  whose  names  I  selected 
at  random,  twenty-two  were  abstainers.  I 
made  up  my  mind  that  there  was  some 
reason  for  this.  If  liquor  brought  safe  plea- 
sures, why  did  these  men  abstain  from  it? 
If,  as  some  say,  it  is  a  stimulant  to  a  busy 
man,  why  did  not  these  men,  directing  the 
largest  business  interests  in  this  country, 
resort  to  it?  And  when  I  saw  that  these 
were  the  men  whose  opinions  in  great  busi- 
ness matters  were  accepted  by  the  leading 
concerns  of  the  world,  I  concluded  that  their 
judgment  in  the  use  of  liquor  would  satisfy 
me.  If  their  judgment  in  business  matters 
could  command  the  respect  and  attention  of 
the  leaders  of  trade  on  both  sides  of  the  sea, 
their  decision  as  to  the  use  of  liquor  was  not 
apt  to  be  wrong.  At  least,  it  was  good 
enough  for  me. 


84  SUCCESSWARD 

As  opportunities  have  come  to  me  to  go 
into  homes  and  public  places,  I  find  that 
I  do  not  occupy  a  solitary  position.  The 
tendency  to  abstain  from  liquor  is  growing 
more  and  more  among  young  men  of  to-day. 
The  brightest  young  men  I  know,  who  are 
filling  positions  of  power  and  promise,  never 
touch  a  drop  of  beer,  wines,  or  intoxicants  of 
any  sort.  And  the  young  man  who  to-day 
makes  up  his  mind  that  he  will  be  on  the  safe 
side  and  adhere  to  strict  abstinence  will  find 
that  he  is  not  alone.  He  has  now  the  very 
best  element  in  business  and  social  life  in  the 
largest  cities  of  our  land  with  him. 

He  will  not  be  chided  for  his  principle,  but 
through  it  will  command  respect. 

It  will  not  retard  him  in  commercial  suc- 
cess, but  prove  his  surest  help. 

It  will  win  him  no  enemies,  but  bring 
him  the  friendship  of  upright  men  and  good 
women. 

It  will  win  him  surer  favor  than  aught  else 
in  eyes  which  he  will  sometime  in  his  life 


HIS  SOCIAL   LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS      85 

think  are  the  sweetest  he  has  ever  looked 
into. 

It  will  insure  him  the  highest  commercial 
esteem  and  the  brightest  social  position. 

And  as  it  molds  his  character  in  youth,  so 
will  it  develop  him  into  a  successful  man  and 
a  good  citizen. 

I  know  young  men  are  sometimes  inclined 
to  believe  that  abstinence  from  wines  is  apt 
to  prove  a  barrier  to  their  social  success.  "  It 
looks  unsociable,"  it  is  claimed.  But  my 
own  experience  has  demonstrated  to  me 
otherwise.  I  have  found  that  a  young  man's 
best  and  highest  social  success  is  assured  just 
in  proportion  as  he  abstains  from  wines.  An 
indulgence  in  intoxicants  of  any  sort  has 
never  helped  a  man  to  any  social  position 
worth  the  having ;  on  the  contrary,  it  has 
kept  many  from  attaining  a  position  to  which 
by  birth  and  good  breeding  and  all  other 
qualifications  they  were  entitled.  No  young 
man  will  ever  find  that  the  principle  of  ab- 
stinence from  liquor  is  a  barrier  to  any  sue- 


86  SUCCESSWARD 

cess,  social,  commercial,  or  otherwise.  On 
the  other  hand,  it  is  the  one  principle  in  his 
life  which  will,  in  the  long  run,  help  him 
more  than  any  other.  And  touching  the 
point  of  etiquette  on  this  question,  whether 
it  is  in  better  form  in  drinking  wines  at  din- 
ner to  turn  down  one's  glasses  or  have  them 
removed,  I  would  say,  neither.  Simply  shield 
the  glasses  with  the  hand  as  the  waiter  reaches 
your  place  at  the  table  with  each  course 
of  wine.  Turning  down  one's  wine-glasses 
or  causing  them  to  be  removed  from  the 
table  always  seems  to  me  to  be  an  unneces- 
sary and  rather  a  disagreeable  way  of  pro- 
nouncing one's  principles. 

So  far  as  the  habit  of  smoking  is  concerned 
— whether  it  takes  the  form  of  a  cigarette, 
cigar,  or  pipe — I  do  not  believe  in  the  idea 
which  tells  a  young  man  that  he  must  not 
smoke.  I  say,  rather,  he  will  be  wisest  if  he 
does  not  smoke.  His  health  will  be  the  bet- 
ter for  it  and  his  pocket-book  the  fatter.  If 
the  physical  or  mental  injury  to  be  derived 


from  smoking  is  an  open  question,  the  good 
it  does  is  not.  Smoking  does  absolutely  no 
good  to  any  one ;  it  is  simply  a  question  of 
the  extent  of  harm  that  it  does.  But  if  a 
young  fellow  is  inclined  to  smoke,  if  he  has 
a  taste  for  it  that  he  feels  he  must  indulge, 
then  I  say,  smoke  moderately.  The  greatest 
danger  in  smoking  is  in  the  imperceptible 
growth  of  the  habit ;  and  this  is  particularly 
true  of  cigarette-smoking,  now  so  prevalent 
among  young  men.  Unless  a  young  man 
has  himself  well  in  hand,  and  can  govern  his 
passions,  he  will  find  that  cigarette-smoking 
has  a  nasty  way  of  growing  upon  one.  He 
may  at  first  smoke  only  two  or  three  cigar- 
ettes per  day.  After  a  while  he  adds  a 
fourth.  In  a  year  it  will  be  five  per  day; 
and  so  it  goes  on  multiplying,  but  never 
diminishing,  until  the  habit  gets  a  hold  which 
many  find  it  impossible  to  shake  off.  Then 
follow  irritability,  nervousness,  loss  of  mem- 
ory and  of  appetite,  and  all  kindred  com- 
plaints, which  are  killing  to  a  young  fellow's 


88  SUCCESSWARD 

health,  and  necessarily  to  his  success  and 
happiness.  This,  to  my  mind,  is  the  danger 
which  lurks  in  tobacco;  the  actual  harm  is 
not  in  its  use,  but  in  its  abuse.  And  use 
easily  leads  to  abuse  in  the  vast  majority  of 
cases.  An  excuse  is  always  at  hand  to  make 
an  extra  cigarette  or  cigar  permissible  on  a 
special  occasion.  But  after  a  bit  special 
occasions  multiply.  I  believe  that  if  young 
men  would  not  smoke  until  they  attained 
their  thirtieth  year,  it  would  be  the  wisest 
solution  of  this  whole  question.  One  thing 
is  certain :  the  young  man  who  does  not 
smoke  is  far  better  off  than  he  who  does; 
and  I  think  any  one  addicted  to  tobacco  will 
agree  with  this  statement. 

It  is  only  natural  that  no  young  man  de- 
sires to  remain  at  home  every  evening  of  the 
week;  and  the  question  naturally  arises, 
What  are  the  best  amusements  for  a  young 
fellow?  And  on  this  point  opinions  must 
necessarily  differ. 

For  example,  there  is  the  question  of  at- 


HIS  SOCIAL  LIFE  4ND  AMUSEMENTS      89 

tendance  at  the  theater.  There  are  people — 
and  delightful,  good,  and  conscientious  peo- 
ple they  are,  too — who  sincerely  disapprove 
of  the  theater.  To  their  minds  the  playhouse 
is  simply  a  trick  of  the  devil  to  lure  young 
men  to  destruction.  And,  as  plays  go  now- 
adays, I  must  confess  that  they  are  not  far 
from  the  right.  Our  theaters  are  unques- 
tionably suffering  from  a  deluge  of  plays 
most  of  which  are  morally  bad  and  some 
of  which  are  artistically  worthless.  But  the 
dramatic  history  of  every  country  has  waves 
of  this  sort. 

To  condemn  the  theater  as  an  institution, 
however,  and  say  to  young  men  indiscrimi- 
nately that  they  must  keep  away  from  it,  is, 
to  my  mind,  wrong.  Because  there  are  bad 
plays  it  does  not  necessarily  follow  that  there 
are  no  good  plays.  There  are — not  in  plenty, 
I  confess,  but  nevertheless  they  exist.  I 
believe  in  the  theater  in  moderation,  so  long 
as  good  actors  and  good  plays  are  selected. 
Then  I  hold  that  the  theater  is  a  source  of 


90  SUCCESSIV4RD 

education  to  a  young  man.  It  will  bring 
before  him  the  lessons  of  life  in  a  more 
effective  way  than  is  possible  by  any  method 
of  reading  or  studying.  But  no  general 
rule  can  be  followed  in  this  form,  or,  for 
that  matter,  in  any  other  form  of  amuse- 
ment. To  some  young  men  the  theater  is 
an  absolute  harm,  and  has  an  injurious  effect. 
If  he  is  of  susceptible  mind  and  of  weak 
character,  he  will  be  influenced  by  the  life 
he  sees  on  the  stage,  believe  it  to  be  real, 
and,  ofttimes  as  not,  he  will  fashion  his  own 
life  and  desires  by  it.  This  is  where  the 
theater  does  positive  injury,  and  such  a 
young  man  should  never  attend  it.  If,  how- 
ever, he  is  strong  of  character,  and  goes  to 
the  theater  in  the  right  spirit,  I  believe  it  is 
good  for  him.  A  good  play  is  a  wonderful 
stimulant,  a  powerful  rejuvenant  of  spirits. 
It  pleases  the  senses  as  nothing  else  can  do ; 
it  takes  the  mind  away  from  every-day  affairs 
in  a  way  that  no  factor  in  life,  save,  perhaps, 
a  good  book,  does.  And  a  good  play  is  as 


HIS   SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS      91 

beneficial  as  a  good  book.  As  I  have  said 
before,  it  is  unfortunate  that  we  have  so 
few  really  good  plays  on  the  boards  of  our 
theaters ;  but  they  are  there,  and  we  can 
find  them  if  we  will  only  look  out  for  them. 
And  with  care  in  our  selection,  it  does  us  all 
good  to  go  to  the  theater  and  enjoy  a  hearty 
laugh,  or  to  see  the  mirror  held  up  to  nature. 
Young  men  are  often  puzzled,  too,  as  to 
the  right  position  to  assume  as  regards  danc- 
ing. So  far  as  this  form  of  amusement  is 
concerned,  I  have  always  liked  to  believe 
that  dancing,  like  going  to  the  theater,  is 
good  when  enjoyed  in  moderation.  Its  un- 
healthy possibilities  in  a  moral  sense  no 
young  fellow  of  the  right  sort  ever  thinks  of 
or  considers.  It  is  only  when  they  are  dis- 
cussed— as,  unfortunately,  they  are  all  too 
often  in  print — that  they  suggest  them- 
selves. Dancing,  to  my  mind,  when  it  is 
not  indulged  in  promiscuously,  but  with 
friends  and  acquaintances  of  the  opposite 
sex,  is  one  of  the  highest  forms  of  enjoy- 


92  SUCCESSWARD 

ment,  and  one  that  gives  to  a  young  fellow 
what  we  all  should  possess,  grace  and  the 
ability  to  carry  ourselves  well.  But,  like  all 
good  things,  dancing  can  be  abused,  and 
then  the  injurious  effects  come  in.  If  a 
young  fellow  goes  to  a  dance,  and  dances  all 
evening  without  any  regard  to  his  physical 
abilities,  he  exhausts  himself  and  is  unfit 
for  his  regular  duties  on  the  morrow.  When 
the  practice  is  followed  in  this  wise,  and  a 
late  supper — which  generally  means  cold  or 
iced  foods  on  a  heated  stomach — is  indulged 
in,  then  one  of  the  most  graceful  and  enjoy- 
able of  pleasures  is  taken  out  of  its  proper 
place  and  becomes  an  injury. 

There  is  one  thing,  however,  which  a 
young  man  carving  his  own  career  in  the 
world  soon  finds  out  for  himself,  and  it  is 
that  dances,  as  a  rule,  are  very  exhausting 
pleasures  and  generally  mean  late  hours. 
And  after  a  while  he  feels  that  they  inter- 
fere with  his  business  duties  on  the  follow- 
ing day.  Then  it  is  that  he  must  make  a 


HIS   SOCIAL  LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS      93 

choice,  and,  of  course,  dancing  must  suffer 
and  "go  by  the  board,"  so  to  speak.  As  I 
have  said  a  few  paragraphs  back,  any  social 
pleasure  which  interferes  with  a  young  fel- 
low's best  business  interests  is  bad.  What 
one  young  man  can  stand  another  cannot, 
and  hence  every  one  must  decide  for  himself. 
He  need  only  keep  his  health  in  mind.  If 
he  finds  that  any  pleasure — whether  it  be 
attendance  at  the  theater,  dancing,  or  what 
not — makes  him  wish  next  day  that  he  had 
not  indulged  in  it,  it  should  be  perfectly  clear 
to  him  that  that  particular  social  pleasure  is 
not  for  him,  and  he  should  give  it  up. 

Card-playing  has  never  had  any  special 
attraction  for  me,  and  so  I  can  say  very  little 
for  it.  A  good  game  of  whist,  euchre,  crib- 
bage,  or  hearts  is  enjoyable;  but  I  have 
always  felt  that  playing  at  whist,  particularly 
with  experts,  is  more  or  less  of  a  mental 
strain,  and  should  not  be  indulged  in  by 
those  who  are  required  to  use  their  mental 
faculties  during  the  day.  To  some,  however, 


94  SUCCESSWARD 

it  is  a  relaxation,  a  recreation,  and  to  these  it 
is  good.  I  am  inclined  to  believe,  however, 
that  the  game  of  "poker"  is  one  which  a 
young  man  will  be  wisest  if  he  does  not 
learn,  since  it  is  almost  invariably  associated 
with  gambling.  And  gambling  at  cards,  or 
gambling  or  betting  of  any  sort  whatever,  is 
a  practice  in  which  no  self-respecting  young 
fellow  can  indulge.  It  is  generally  the  first 
step  downward ;  and  whether  it  tends  in  that 
way  or  not,  it  always,  without  exception,  has 
its  evil  effects.  Therefore  it  is  wisest  to  shun 
it,  and  shun  it  absolutely. 

The  growth  of  outdoor  sports  in  this 
country  has  made  thousands  of  young  men 
interested  in  wheeling,  tennis,  base-ball,  foot- 
ball, and  kindred  sports ;  and  no  national  sign 
is  more  encouraging.  The  deeper  the  inter- 
est which  every  young  man  evinces  in  manly 
sports  the  better  it  is  not  only  for  him  in 
every  possible  way,  but  for  the  generation 
succeeding  him.  It  betokens  a  clean,  healthy 
mind  when  a  young  fellow  takes  an  honest, 


HIS  SOCIAL   LIFE  AND  AMUSEMENTS      95 

sincere  interest  in  outdoor  sports.  But  the 
great  danger  is  in  overdoing  this.  Sports 
are  splendid  in  their  place  and  at  their  time, 
but  too  many  of  our  young  men  allow  them 
to  interfere  with  their  business  interests.  A 
young  man  in  business  cannot  allow  his  inter- 
est in  base-ball,  or  any  other  sport,  to  be- 
come so  absorbing  as  to  take  first  place  in  his 
mind.  There  is  no  earthly  reason  why  an 
interest  in  foot-ball,  base-ball,  or  any  other 
sport,  confined  within  proper  bounds  and  at 
the  proper  time,  should  not  be  good.  But 
when  a  young  fellow  finds  that  he  knows  the 
standing  of  the  base-ball  clubs  in  the  various 
leagues,  or  the  names  of  the  players,  or  their 
batting  average,  better  than  he  knows  the 
names  of  the  customers  of  his  employer,  or 
the  prices  of  the  goods  he  is  paid  to  sell,  or 
the  discounts  of  his  house,  then  I  say  his 
interest  is  directed  against  his  own  good. 
Base-ball,  or  any  other  kind  of  ball,  is  a 
splendid  thing — in  its  place.  Nor  is  an  in- 
terest in  any  legitimate  sport  or  game  harm- 


96  SUCCESSW4RD 

ful  so  long  as  it  is  kept  within  bounds  and 
not  allowed  to  occupy  the  mind  to  the 
detriment  of  business  interests.  What  are 
called  "  base-ball  cranks  "  or  "  bicycle  fiends  " 
or  "foot-ball  enthusiasts"  are  never  good 
business  men,  and  their  standing  in  the  com- 
munity is  on  a  par  with  their  overwrought 
interest. 

A  young  man's  social  life  and  his  indul- 
gences must,  in  other  words,  be  tempered 
with  reason  and  common  sense.  He  should 
have  a  social  side  to  his  nature,  but  that  side 
must  not  dominate  him.  If  it  does,  it  affects 
his  business  interests;  'and  a  young  man* 
whose  thoughts  during  business  hours  are 
fixed  upon  a  pleasure  of  the  evening  before, 
or  upon  a  sport  of  the  morrow,  soon  finds 
himself  outdistanced  in  the  race  for  success 
by  others  who  keep  such  things  in  their 
proper  places.  A  little  common  sense  here 
counts  for  much.  It  counts  for  everything, 
in  fact. 


"SOWING  HIS  WILD  OATS" 


97 


V 

SOWING   HIS   WILD   OATS " 

j|T  is  a  common  saying,  and  a  belief 
equally  as  general,  that  it  is  not 
only  essential,  but  it  is  assumed 
as  right,  that  a  young  man  should,  at  some 
time  in  his  life,  "sow  his  wild  oats."  This 
sowing  of  one's  wild  oats  means,  in  plainer 
words,  that  a  young  man  should  have  his 
"  fling,"  as  it  is  called;  that  is,  he  must  "see 
the  world." 

Now,  it  has  always  seemed  to  me  a  great 
misfortune  that  the  man  who  framed  that 
sentence  of  "  sowing  wild  oats  "  did  not  die 
before  he  constructed  it.  From  the  way 
some  people  talk  one  would  imagine  that 
every  man  had  instilled  into  him  at  his  birth 
99 


100 

a  certain  amount  of  deviltry,  which  he  must 
get  rid  of  before  he  can  become  a  man  of 
honor.  For  what  is  called  "  sowing  wild 
oats "  is  nothing  more  nor  less  than  self- 
degradation  to  any  young  man.  It  does  not 
make  a  man  one  particle  more  of  a  man  be- 
cause he  has  passed  through  a  siege  of  riot- 
ous living  and  indiscretion  when  he  was 
nineteen,  twenty,  or  twenty-five ;  it  makes 
him  just  so  much  less  of  a  man.  It  dwarfs 
his  views  of  life  far  more  than  it  broadens 
them.  And  he  realizes  this  afterward.  He 
does  not  know  one  iota  more  of  "life," 
except  a  certain  phase  of  it,  which,  if  it  has 
glitter  for  him  in  youth,  becomes  a  repellent 
remembrance  to  him  when  he  is  matured. 
The  reputation  and  power  that  comes  of 
right  living  and  good  character  are  what  the 
man  from  forty  to  seventy  covets,  and  noth- 
ing but  the  welj-spent  years  of  early  life  can 
secure  these.  There  is  no  such  thing  as  an 
investigation  period  in  a  man's  life ;  at  one 
period  it  is  as  important  for  him  to  be  hon- 


"SOWING   HIS   WILD   OATS"  101 

orable  and  true  to  the  teachings  of  his  mother 
as  at  another. 

To  my  mind  no  young  man  need  seek  this 
"  darker  side  of  life  "  which  the  sowing  of 
wild  oats  means.  The  good  Lord  knows 
that  it  forces  itself  upon  our  attention  soon 
enough.  It  does  not  wait  to  be  sought.  A 
young  man  need  not  be  afraid  that  he  will 
fail  to  see  it.  He  will  see  plenty  of  it,  and 
without  any  seeking  on  his  part,  either. 
And  even  if  he  does  fail  to  become  conver- 
sant with  it,  he  is  the  gainer  in  the  end. 
There  are  a  great  many  things  which  we  can 
accept  by  inference  as  existing  in  this  world. 
It  is  not  a  liberal  education  to  see  them. 
Too  many  young  men  have  a  burning  itch 
to  see  wickedness — not  to  indulge  in  it,  as 
they  are  quick  to  explain,  but  simply  to  see 
it.  But  the  thousands  of  men  who  have 
never  seen  it  have  never  felt  themselves  the 
losers.  If  anything,  they  are  glad  of  it.  It 
does  not  raise  a  man's  ideal  to  come  into 
contact  with  certain  types  of  manhood  or 


102  SUCCESSWARD 

womanhood  which  are  only  removed  from 
the  lowest  types  of  the  animal  kingdom  by 
virtue  of  the  fact  that  the  Creator  chose  to 
have  them  get  through  the  world  on  two 
legs  instead  of  four.  The  loftiest  ideal  of 
womanhood  that  a  young  man  can  form  in 
his  impressionable  days  will  prove  none  too 
high  for  him  in  his  years  of  maturity.  To 
be  true  to  the  best  that  is  within  a  man 
means,  above  all,  to  be  an  earnest  believer  in 
the  very  best  qualities  of  womanhood.  Let 
him  accept  by  inference  that  there  are  two 
types  of  woman,  the  good  and  the  bad.  But 
he  will  be  wiser  and  happier  if  he  associate 
only  with  the  former.  There  are  hundreds 
of  good  women  in  this  world  to  every  one  of 
the  contrasting  element.  No  young  man  has, 
therefore,  a  valid  excuse  for  seeking  the  latter. 
Sometimes  this  "sowing  of  wild  oats"  is 
deemed  necessary  to  insure  to  a  young  man 
what  is  called  "  a  broader  view  of  life " ; 
whereas,  in  reality,  no  means  that  could  be 
devised  gives  him  such  a  contracted,  narrow, 


"SOWING   HIS   WILD   OATS"  103 

and  unsatisfactory  standard.  A  broad  view 
of  life  means  the  cultivation  of  a  mind  that 
can  take  in  every  part  of  the  horizon  of  the 
truest  living;  that  can  see  good  in  every- 
thing ;  that  accepts  the  good,  and  rejects,  not 
investigates,  the  bad.  We  can  always  leave 
that  for  some  one  else  to  do.  The  outlook 
from  the  wheel-house  of  an  ocean  steamer  is 
far  better  than  it  is  from  the  stoke-hole. 
Curiosity  may  lead  some  people  to  go  down 
and  look  into  the  stoke-holes  of  life  ;  but  take 
my  word  for  it,  you  will  find  the  atmosphere 
purer  and  the  vision  clearer  if  you  stay  in 
the  wheel-house.  To  see  "  the  wheels  go 
round  "  is  a  very  instructive  thing  to  do  in 
directions  where  the  motive  is  a  good  one, 
prompted  by  lofty  ideas.  But  some  "  wheels  " 
are  far  better  unseen.  Satisfy  a  healthy 
curiosity  always,  but  shun  the  other  kind. 
There  is  no  satisfaction  to  be  had,  and  a  man 
whose  curiosity  overcomes  him  is  always  dis- 
gusted with  the  poor  return  he  receives  for 
his  trouble. 


104  SUCCESSWARD 

The  young  man  who  reaches  manhood 
without  a  knowledge  of  the  dark  and  vicious 
side  of  human  nature  is  far  better  off  than 
the  one  who  has  seen  it.  He  will  lose 
nothing  by  not  having  seen  it ;  not  an  ounce 
less  of  respect  will  be  meted  out  to  him. 
But  he  will  feel  prouder  of  himself,  and  men 
will  respect  him  infinitely  more  for  the 
strength  of  his  will-power. 

Not  long  since  a  young  fellow  wrote  to 
me  in  this  connection,  and  said  in  his  letter: 
"What's  the  use  of  leading  a  straight  life? 
Nobody  gives  you  credit  for  it.  Society 
expects  a  more  or  less  diverting  life  from  a 
young  fellow ;  it  accepts  him  as  such.  Prac- 
tically, it  calls  him  a  '  ninny '  if  he  doesn't 
diverge  from  the  straight  path  once  in  a 
while.  It  only  asks  of  him  that  he  shall  not 
be  caught." 

I  can  scarcely  imagine  a  view  of  life  so 
entirely  wrong  in  its  personal  application. 
The  real  "  use  "  of  leading  a  "  straight  life  " 
is  apparently  absolutely  overlooked  by  this 


"SOWING   HIS   WILD   OATS"  105 

young  man,  who  seems  to  think  that  his  life 
is  lived  for  others  rather  than  for  himself. 
The  "  use  "  of  leading  an  honorable  life  con- 
cerns itself  with  the  young  man  himself.  He 
is  accountable  to  himself — to  his  own  con- 
science, to  his  own  heart.  Of  what  possible 
satisfaction  is  it  to  get  credit  from  others  for 
doing  what  is  best  for  one's  self?  Men  do 
not  lead  honorable  lives  for  the  sake  of  get- 
ting credit  for  it  —  to  win  the  hand  of 
applause.  They  do  it  for  themselves;  for 
their  own  inner  satisfaction,  that  they  may  be 
true  to  themselves  and  to  the  best  that  is 
within  them. 

Aside  from  this  paramount  fact,  how- 
ever, people  do  give  a  young  man  credit 
for  the  life  that  he  leads,  and  they  are  far 
more  often  aware  of  it  than  the  young 
man  supposes.  But  it  depends  upon  the 
people  whose  favor  the  young  man  values. 
If  he  seeks  the  recognition  of  what  is  so 
wrongly  called  and  known  as  "  society,"  a 
righteous  life,  an  upright  life,  an  honorable 


106  SUCCESSIVE  RD 

life — in  other  words,  a  manly  life — may  not 
count  for  so  much.  But  the  aimless  men 
and  silly  women  who  constitute  that  body 
called  "society"  figure  for  nothing  in  the 
life  of  an  earnest  young  man.  If,  however, 
he  associates  with  men  who  in  his  develop- 
ing days  can  mean  much  to  him,  and  whose 
acquaintance  in  later  years  will  be  a  pride 
and  a  joy  to  him,  if  he  finds  company  in 
women  who  arouse  his  best  thoughts  and 
truest  motives,  he  will  find  that  his  life,  free 
from  blemish,  is  appreciated,  is  understood, 
is  recognized,  and  is  known.  There  is  an 
indefinable  chord  which  always  draws  the 
right  men  to  the  young  man  of  pure  life. 
They  are  the  men  who  give  credit  to  a  young 
fellow  who  tries  to  live  aright,  and  they  are 
the  only  men  worth  his  knowing.  These 
men  may  not  openly  applaud  him,  but  they 
will  give  him  their  confidence,  their  good 
will,  their  friendship;  and  in  later  years  he 
will  more  fully  understand  what  these  ele- 
ments mean  to  him.  These  men  do  not  call 


"SOWING   HIS   WILD   OATS"  107 

a  young  man  a  "  ninny  "  when  he  leads  an 
upright  life;  they  call  him  a  manly  fellow, 
and  they  take  him  into  their  hearts  and  into 
their  homes.  By  the  best  part  of  mankind  a 
young  man  is  always  known  by  his  true  color. 
Of  that  he  need  never  fear.  An  adherence 
to  high  principles  shows  itself  in  every 
thought  and  every  action  of  a  young  man, 
and  it  always  counts  for  something  and 
much.  And  as  he  progresses  in  life,  and  a 
clearer  understanding  of  the  right  kind  of 
living  comes  to  him,  he  will  see  with  his  own 
eyes  that  the  men  who  hold  the  true  respect 
of  the  world  are  the  men  who  were  pure-lived 
and  who  can  fearlessly  and  honestly  look 
every  man  and  woman  in  the  eye. 


VI 

IN  MATTERS  OF  DRESS 


109 


VI 


IN   MATTERS   OF   DRESS 

E  may  like  it  or  not,  but  we  are 
judged  in  this  world  first  for  what 
we  are,  but  also  as  we  look;  and 
a  young  man's  common  sense  should  teach 
him  that  it  is  always  wise  to  create  a  good 
impression.  It  does  much  for  him,  and  he 
cannot  afford  to  ignore  it.  Good  clothes 
cannot  make  a  young  man,  but  they  are  a 
help;  and  when  carving  out  a  career  it  is 
only  pure  justice  to  himself  that  he  should 
take  advantage  of  every  point  offered  him. 
In  other  words,  I  believe  it  is  a  duty  which 
every  young  man  owes  to  himself  to  be 
well  dressed.  But  to  be  well  dressed  does  not 
necessarily  imply  the  highest-priced  clothes, 
in 


112  SUCCESSWARD 

cut  according  to  the  latest  patterns.  It  is 
just  as  possible  to  be  well  attired  in  clothes 
of  moderate  cost,  so  long  as  they  are  not 
"loud"  or  "showy,"  but  quiet  and  neat. 

The  average  young  fellow  undoubtedly 
errs  in  this  matter  of  dress.  With  his  tastes 
unfixed,  in  the  majority  of  cases  he  goes  to 
either  one  of  two  extremes :  he  either  dresses 
shabbily  because  he  claims  he  cannot  afford 
to  do  otherwise,  or  he  goes  to  the  other  ex- 
treme and  tries  to  imitate  the  styles  affected 
by  the  extremists  in  dress,  and  necessarily 
makes  himself  an  object  of  ridicule. 

Clothes  are  moderate  enough  in  price 
nowadays  to  make  it  possible  for  every 
young  man,  no  matter  how  humble  his  in- 
come, to  be  neatly  attired.  The  secret  of  a 
neat  appearance  in  dress  does  not  depend 
upon  the  number  of  suits  he  may  have,  but 
upon  the  manner  in  which  even  a  single  suit 
is  taken  care  of  and  how  it  is  worn.  Many 
a  young  man  with  a  wardrobe  of  but  two 
suits  of  clothes  looks  neater  than  another 


IN  MATTERS   OF  DRESS  113 

who  has  five  or  six  suits  with  which  to  alter- 
nate. The  art  of  looking  well  depends,  first, 
upon  the  choice  of  a  suit,  and,  second,  how 
it  is  taken  care  of.  If  a  young  man  has  a 
moderate  income  he  should  make  it  a  point 
to  select  only  the  quiet  patterns  of  dark  col- 
ors. tNot  only  is  this  more  economical,  but 
it  is  in  better  taste  than  are  the  lighter  and 
more  conspicuous  clothes.  If  a  young  man 
will  look  around  him  a  bit,  he  will  find  that 
the  successful  men  of  the  day  are  always  the 
most  quiet  dressers.  Their  clothes  are  never 
conspicuous ;  they  detract  rather  than  attract 
attention.  It  is  only  the  fop  of  shallow  mind 
who  invites  attention  by  his  dress.  There  is 
a  certain  class  of  pictures  that  require  elabo- 
rate gilt  frames  in  order  to  set  off  the  little 
merit  they  possess;  and  likewise  are  there 
scores  of  men  who  must  dress  conspicuously 
in  order  to  gain  even  the  most  meager  at- 
tention. Men  who  are  least  certain  of  their 
position  always  dress  the  showiest.  Hence  if 
a  young  man  dresses  quietly  and  neatly  he 


114  SUCCESSWARD 

pursues  not  only  the  best,  but  the  only  wise 
course.  His  dress  is  a  pretty  accurate  re- 
flection of  his  character,  and  very  often  he 
is  judged,  to  a  certain  extent,  by  the  taste 
which  he  shows  in  his  clothes. 

But  while  a  young  man  injures  himself  by 
showy  dressing,  he  has  no  business  to  dress 
shabbily.  Shabby  clothes  are  no  longer  an 
eccentricity  of  genius.  There  are  men  of 
genius  who  have  achieved  deserved  fame  and 
substantial  success  who  are  absolutely  indif- 
ferent to  their  appearance.  And  the  world 
overlooks  and  forgives  it.  But  this  is  only 
possible  with  men  of  commanding  genius 
who  are  established  ;  and  the  young  man  who 
takes  these  men  as  models  so  far  as  attire 
goes  makes  a  sorry  mistake.  It  is  given  to 
men  of  high  position  and  of  established  suc- 
cess to  follow  a  great  many  little  eccentricities 
which  are  not  overlooked  in  a  young  man 
struggling  for  a  career. 

Aside  from  the  aspect  of  mere  appearance, 
neatness  in  dress  is  undoubtedly  a  great  inner 


IN  MATTERS   OF  DRESS  115 

and  outer  factor  in  a  young  man's  success. 
A  neat  suit  of  clothes  communicates  a  sense 
of  neatness  to  the  body,  and,  in  turn,  this 
sense  of  neatness  of  the  person  is  extended  to 
the  work  in  hand.  As  we  feel,  so  unques- 
tionably do  we  work.  Our  clothes  unmis- 
takably affect  our  feelings,  as  any  man  knows 
who  has  experienced  the  different  sensation 
that  comes  to  him  when  attired  in  a  new  suit 
from  the  feeling  when  wearing  old  clothes. 
No  employer  expects  his  clerks  of  moderate 
incomes  to  dress  in  the  immediate  fashions, 
but  he  likes  to  see  them  neat  in  appearance. 
It  commends  them  to  his  attention.  We  all 
have  an  inner  consciousness  that  a  young 
man  who  keeps  himself  looking  neat  and 
clean  is  more  worthy  of  our  confidence  than 
he  who  is  regardless  of  his  appearance  and 
looks  soiled  and  shabby.  Neatness  always 
attracts,  just  as  shabbiness  invariably  re- 
pulses. 

Particularly  would  I  emphasize  the  value 
of  clean  linen  to  a  young  man.     There  is  no 


116  SUCCESSWARD 

earthly  excuse  why  any  young  fellow  should 
wear  soiled  collars  or  cuffs.  Soap  and  water 
are  within  the  reach  of  the  smallest  purse, 
and  the  home  or  the  outer  laundry  is  acces- 
sible to  all.  No  single  element  in  his  dress 
cuts  more  of  a  figure  in  a  young  man's 
success  than  his  linen.  However  worn  may 
be  his  clothes,  his  appearance  always  invites 
closer  proximity  when  his  linen  is  clean. 

I  do  not  wish  to  be  understood  as  making 
too  much  of  dress  as  a  factor  in  a  young 
man's  life.  But  I  believe  in  it  sufficiently, 
and  I  have  seen  evidences  again  and  again 
to  strengthen  that  belief,  that  no  young  fel- 
low anxious  for  his  self-betterment  can  afford 
to  slight  his  appearance.  No  fair  computa- 
tion can  be  offered  as  to  what  percentage  of 
his  income  he  should  expend  on  his  dress. 
That  depends  altogether  too  much  on  cir- 
cumstances. But  I  thoroughly  believe  and 
strongly  counsel  that  he  should  dress  as  well 
as  his  means  allow ;  no  better,  but  no  worse. 
Money  spent  on  a  neat  appearance  is  never 


IN  MATTERS   OF  DRESS  117 

wasted  with  a  man,  be  he  young  or  old. 
The  chief  danger  which  the  young  man  has 
to  battle  with  is  dressing  beyond  his  means. 
A  tendency  toward  extravagance  is  never 
justifiable,  no  matter  what  may  be  his  in- 
come. Extravagance  is  always  wasteful. 
But  neither  must  he  economize  too  closely. 
In  a  word,  he  should  strive  always  to  look 
neat ;  to  present  the  best  appearance  he  can. 
The  extreme  styles  presented  in  men's 
clothes  are  like  the  extreme  styles  fashioned 
for  women :  they  should  be  left  for  those  who 
have  large  wardrobes.  The  young  man  of 
limited  wardrobe  cannot  afford  to  have  any- 
thing in  it  which  is  in  the  immediate  style 
one  year  and  out  of  fashion  the  next  year. 
Quiet  patterns  in  clothes,  in  cravats,  in  shoes, 
and  in  linen  are  always  in  style.  The  mar- 
velous combinations  we  see  in  young  men's 
clothes,  of  extreme  long  coats,  of  light  cloths 
and  large  patterns  in  suitings,  of  razor-pointed 
shoes,  of  pink  shirts,  white  collars,  and  blue 
cravats,  are  generally  worn  by  extremists  in 


118  SUCCESSWARD 

dress,  or  by  those  of  mediocre  tastes  whose 
exhibition  of  those  tastes  always  keeps  them 
in  the  lower  stations  of  life.  These  styles 
should  never  be  affected  by  the  young  man 
who  wishes  to  gain  the  confidence  of  his 
superiors  in  business,  or  the  respect  of  the 
people  in  social  life  whose  friendships  will  be 
of  value  and  benefit  to  him.  A  young  man, 
so  far  as  this  matter  of  dress  is  concerned, 
cannot  do  better  than  always  to  remember 
this  one  inflexible  rule :  that  the  best  dressers 
among  men  follow  the  same  method  as  do 
the  best  dressers  among  women — they  dress 
well,  but  quietly.  And  quiet  dressing  is 
always  in  good  taste. 


VII 
HIS  RELIGIOUS  LIFE 


119 


VII 

HIS   RELIGIOUS   LIFE 

HEN  a  writer  seeks  to  present  the 
religious  life  of  a  being,  be  he 
young  man  or  patriarch,  it  natu- 
rally follows  that  he  can  only  be  general  in 
what  he  says.  Religion  is  too  much  a  mat- 
ter of  one's  innermost  feelings,  of  one's  own 
convictions,  to  be  governed  by  rule  or  ex- 
ample. But  in  these  days  of  men  more  or 
less  wise,  when  many  of  the  truths  which  our 
forefathers  held  sacred  are  being  discussed  in 
so-called  "  new  lights,"  and  when  the  convic- 
tions of  many  are  disturbed  by  reason  of 
these  "  new  doctrines,"  it  is  well,  I  think, 
that  young  men  should  bear  in  mind  one  or 
two  fundamental  truths  so  far  as  the  religious 
side  of  their  lives  is  concerned. 


122  SUCCESSWARD 

It  is  not  within  the  province  of  this  book 
to  treat  either  of  dogmas  or  creeds,  or  of  the 
necessity  of  church-going;  but  it  does  come 
within  its  lines  to  say  these  words  to  every 
young  man  who  reads  this  chapter : 

No  matter  what  present  revelations  or 
subsequent  discoveries  may  prove  or  seek  to 
disprove  as  to  religious  teachings,  one  great 
essential  can  never  be  altered,  and  that  is  the 
necessity  of  a  firm  faith,  an  absolute  belief, 
that  a  wise  God  rules  over  this  universe  and 
over  the  destiny  of  each  and  every  living 
man,  woman,  or  child.  Whatever  constitutes 
that  God  is  not  for  us  to  solve.  The  wisest 
of  us  can  only  dimly  comprehend  it.  Our 
minds  are  finite ;  the  Spirit  who  rules  us  is 
infinite ;  and  nothing  finite  can  comprehend 
or  understand  the  infinite.  Enough  is  it  for 
us  to  know  that  there  is  a  God,  that  there  is 
a  Supreme  Being,  a  Creator,  a  Ruler.  That 
is  all  it  is  given  us  to  know.  It  is  all  that  the 
new-born  infant  can  know ;  it  is  all  that  the 
finest  and  keenest  mentality  ever  given  to 


HIS  RELIGIOUS  LIFE  123 

man  can  know.  But  that  there  is  a  great 
Creator  no  one  can  doubt ;  everything  in 
nature  points  to  that  one  fact ;  and  the  young 
man  who  refuses  to  believe  in  the  existence 
of  a  God  makes  the  greatest  and  most 
momentous  mistake  of  his  life.  Without 
that  faith,  without  that  absolute  conviction, 
he  is  not  only  hindered  or  crippled  in  what- 
ever he  undertakes,  but  he  is  simply  helpless. 
On  that  point  he  cannot  afford  to  err;  to 
doubt  it,  even  in  the  light  of  the  most  ad- 
vanced knowledge  that  can  ever  be  pre- 
sented, he  cannot  for  one  single  moment 
allow  himself.  This  much  is  absolute. 

Another  point  is  like  unto  it,  and  it  is  that 
every  person  can  go  to  that  Creator  and 
Dispenser  of  all  good,  and  receive,  through 
supplication,  guidance  in  all  affairs.  This  is 
but  another  way  of  expressing  an  earnest,  a 
heartfelt,  an  honest  belief  in  prayer.  What- 
ever arguments  may  be  brought  to  bear  upon 
this  question,  one  thing  remains  undisputed : 
that  an  honest  and  earnest  prayer  sent  forth 


124  SUCCESSW4RD 

from  the  human  heart  to  its  Heavenly  Father, 
for  guidance  or  for  help,  is  sure,  and  abso- 
lutely sure,  to  bring  strength  and  enlighten- 
ment to  the  mind.  No  scientific  analysis  can 
refute  this.  Too  many  millions  of  people 
have  experienced  the  truth  of  this  in  their 
lives.  Argument  on  this  point  is  pointless ; 
it  is  fruitless.  A  young  man  might  as  well 
argue  that  he  loved  his  mother.  Conscious 
experience  does  more  than  theoretical  argu- 
ment, and  that  conscious  experience  has 
taught  the  happiest  men  and  the  best  women 
who  ever  lived  that  there  is  a  direct  com- 
munication between  God  and  the  humblest 
person  who  ever  lived,  and  that  a  prayer  for 
guidance  sent  from  the  heart  of  man  to  that 
God  is  never  lost.  There  is  in  every  man 
and  woman  not  alone  substance  of  material 
matter,  but  a  spiritual  nature  which,  if  kept 
in  daily  contact  with  its  God,  finds  a  re- 
sponse such  as  can  come  from  no  finite 
source.  This  truth  no  young  man  can 
hesitate  to  believe — the  efficacy  of  prayer. 


HIS  RELIGIOUS  LIFE  125 

It  requires  no  creed  to  believe  it,  no  dogma, 
no  form  of  religion.  It  is  a  simple  belief  that 
to  ask  a  heavenly  guidance  in  all  things  good 
and  right  means  a  fruition  of  the  highest  and 
best  hopes  of  a  man. 

With  this  absolute  faith  in  the  existence  of 
a  God,  and  in  prayer,  only  one  thing  more  is 
needed  to  complete  the  fundamental  basis  of 
all  religions — an  honest  effort  to  live  accord- 
ing to  our  conscience  and  to  the  best  and 
truest  that  is  within  ourselves. 

Here,  then,  is  a  simple  religion  for  any 
young  man.  If  his  heart  craves  it  and  his 
mind  can  compass  it,  he  can  go  deeper  into 
the  question  and  believe  more.  But  less  he 
cannot  accept.  Nor,  if  he  is  wise,  will  he  wish 
to  accept  less.  All  objections  fall  before 
so  simple  a  code  of  belief.  It  asks  for  no 
great  mental  capacity ;  it  is  beyond  the  men- 
tal power  of  none.  The  rising  and  setting  of 
the  sun,  the  coming  of  the  seasons,  the  down- 
fall of  night  upon  day,  the  birth  of  a  child, 
the  death  of  a  man — everything  proves  to 


126  SUCCESSWARD 

the  humblest  mind  that  this  is  a  religion 
which  it  can  accept  without  hesitancy,  with- 
out a  single  misgiving.  When  we  go  beyond 
these  fundamental  principles  we  go  into 
questions  which  are  complex  and  open  to 
individual  construction.  However  a  young 
man  may  decide  for  himself  those  questions, 
he  cannot  shirk  the  three  points  I  have  dwelt 
upon.  They  will  teach  him  a  respect  for  all 
sacred  things,  without  which  no  man  can  earn 
respect  for  himself.  They  will  teach  him 
charity  for  the  faults  of  others,  without  which 
none  can  hope  for  leniency  for  his  own  short- 
comings. They  will  teach  him  to  hold  out 
the  helping  hand  to  others,  without  which  he 
can  himself  never  succeed.  They  will  keep 
him  close  to  the  teachings  and  the  beliefs  of 
his  mother,  without  which  a  young  man  is 
untrue  to  the  source  from  which  he  sprang. 

I  think,  so  far  as  church  attendance  is 
concerned,  that  a  young  man  serves  his  best 
interests  if  he  is  a  regular  attendant  at  some 
form  of  worship.  I  do  not  say  he  should  or 


HIS  RELIGIOUS  LIFE  127 

must ;  I  simply  believe  he  is  wisest  if  he  does 
identify  himself  with  some  religious  body 
which  comes  closest  to  his  tastes  and  beliefs. 
Whatever  be  the  faults  of  the  church  as  an 
institution,  a  young  man  must  never  forget 
the  fact  that  it  is  an  order  born  of  God,  that 
he  sanctioned  it,  and  that  if  it  has  its  short- 
comings it  is  simply  because  man  is  not  per- 
fect. Young  men  with  their  critical  faculties 
on  the  alert  are  prone  to  discover  some  single 
defect,  or  what  looks  to  them  as  a  defect,  in 
some  church  with  which  they  are  acquainted, 
and  foolishly  condemn  the  church  as  an  in- 
stitution. Or  they  will  see  hypocrisy  stand 
out  bold  and  clear  in  some  man  or  woman 
known  as  a  devout  attendant  at  church,  and 
they  condemn  church-membership  as  a  whole 
and  belittle  the  influence  of  religious  teach- 
ings. This  is  wrong,  and  hence  it  is  unfair. 
None  of  us  would  think  of  condemning  all 
the  sweet  flowers  that  grow  simply  because 
of  a  few  that  are  poisonous  to  the  touch. 
Or,  because  we  know  some  women  who  do 


128  SUCCESSWARD 

not  follow  righteous  lives,  we  certainly  would 
not  condemn  the  entire  sex  of  women,  which 
would  necessarily  include  our  own  mother. 
We  cannot  condemn  the  many  because  of 
the  few.  A  young  man  should  keep  his 
mind  fixed  on  the  purposes  of  the  church  as 
an  institution,  and  those  purposes  affect  him 
for  the  reason  that  the  church  is  to-day  the 
balancing  power  between  this  earth  being  a 
chaos  and  what  it  is.  It  is  the  greatest 
safeguard  to  home  and  society ;  and  be- 
cause of  the  fact  that  it  is  such  a  powerful 
safeguard,  many  things  are  made  possible  for 
him  which,  without  the  church,  it  would  be 
impossible  for  him  to  enjoy.  The  church  is 
an  indispensable  factor  in  our  modern  life, 
and  it  holds  out  more  possibilities  for  good 
to  a  young  man  than  any  other  single  insti- 
tution. Its  influence  is  always  sure,  and  he 
can  depend  upon  it.  The  best  people  of  our 
land  are  its  upholders.  The  most  successful 
men  are  among  its  believers  and  worship  at  its 
altar.  Worship — true  worship  of  the  heart — 


HIS  RELIGIOUS  LIFE  129 

does  not  imply  a  sickly  sentimentality,  as 
some  young  men  believe;  to  go  to  church 
is  not  "  babyish,"  nor  to  stay  away  from  it 
"smart."  A  true  belief  in  the  church  and 
its  fundamental  teachings  is  one  of  the  man- 
liest qualities  which  one  can  possess.  In  its 
atmosphere  of  worship  the  spiritual — that  is, 
the  softer  and  gentler — side  of  man  dominates 
the  material  side,  and  to  a  young  man  in  the 
race  for  success  this  is  all-essential.  No 
young  fellow  can  .afford  either  to  disbelieve 
in  the  church  or  to  scoff  at  its  workings  or 
influence.  The  methods  pursued  may  not 
always  be  to  our  liking  or  to  our  way  of 
thinking,  but  that  is,  as  I  have  said  before, 
simply  because  earthly  hands  minister  over 
it.  But  its  aim  is  divine,  and  that  every 
young  man  must  believe  and  accept  as  a 
belief. 

And  here  let  me  say  a  word  touching  the 
application  of  religious  principles  to  a  young 
man's  business  life.  The  question  is  asked, 
and  as  often  discussed :  "  Is  a  life  built  upon 


130  SUCCESSW4RD 

religious  principles  really  compatible  with  a 
young  man's  business  success?"  Or  some- 
times it  is  put :  "  Does  it  really  pay  to  be 
honest  in  business?"  Or  again:  "Can  a 
young  fellow  be  religious  and  yet  success- 
ful?" Of  course  all  are  but  variations  of 
the  same  question. 

Now  the  simple  fact  of  the  matter  boiled 
down  is  that  a  business  success  is  absolutely 
impossible  upon  any  other  basis  than  an 
honorable  one,  followed  upon  lines  of  the 
very  strictest  honesty. 

The  great  trouble  with  young  men  is  that 
their  ideas  are  altogether  too  much  influenced 
by  a  few  unfortunate  examples  of  apparent 
success  which  are  prominent — too  prominent, 
alas! — in  American  life  to-day.  These  ex- 
amples, for  the  most  part  representing  poli- 
ticians, are  regarded  in  the  eyes  of  the  world  as 
successful ;  that  is,  they  are  talked  about  inces- 
santly ;  interviewed  by  reporters  ;  they  lavishly 
buy  diamonds  for  their  wives  and  build  costly 
houses ;  and  all  these  are  duly  reported  in 


HIS  RELIGIOUS  LIFE  131 

the  newspapers.  Young  men  read  these 
things  and  ask  themselves,  "  If  he  can,  why 
not  I?"  Then  they  begin  to  look  around 
for  some  "  short  cut  to  success,"  as  one  young 
fellow  expressed  it  to  me  not  long  since.  And 
it  is  precisely  through  this  method  of  "  cut- 
ting across  lots "  in  business  that  scores  of 
young  men  find  themselves,  after  a  while, 
completely  baffled.  And  the  man  who  has 
once  had  about  him  an  unsavory  taint  in  his 
business  methods  rarely — very  rarely — rids 
himself  of  that  atmosphere  in  the  eyes  of  his 
confreres.  How  often  we  see  some  young 
man  in  business  representative  of  the  very 
best  qualities  that  should  win  success !  Every 
one  agrees  that  he  is  brilliant.  "  He  is 
clever,"  is  the  general  verdict.  He  impresses 
one  well  in  his  manner,  he  is  thoroughly 
businesslike,  is  energetic,  and  yet,  somehow 
or  other,  he  never  seems  to  get  into  a  place 
and  stick  there.  People  wonder  at  it,  and 
excuse  it  on  the  ground  that  he  has  not  quite 
found  his  right  place.  But  some  day  the 


132  SUCCESSWARD 

secret  is  explained.  "Yes,  he  is  clever," 
says  some  old  business  man,  "  but,  don't  you 
know,  he  isn't — well,  he  isn't  just  safe ! "  Just 
safe !  How  much  that  expresses ;  how  clearly 
that  defines  hundreds  and  hundreds  of  the 
smartest  young  men  in  business  to-day!  He 
is  everything  else,  but  he  isn't  "just  safe  "! 
He  is  not  dishonest  in  any  way,  but  he  is, 
what  is  equally  as  bad,  not  quite  reliable. 
To  attain  success  he  has,  in  other  words,  tried 
to  "cut  across  lots."  And  rainbow-chasing 
is  really  a  very  commendable  business  in 
comparison  with  a  young  man's  search  for  the 
"royal  road  to  success."  No  success  worth 
attaining  is  easy ;  the  greater  the  obstacles 
to  overcome  the  surer  is  the  success  when 
attained.  "  Royal  roads  "  are  poor  highways 
to  travel  in  any  pursuit,  and  especially  in  a 
business  calling. 

It  is  strange  how  reluctant  young  men  are 
to  accept  as  the  most  vital  truth  in  life  that 
the  most  absolute  honesty  is  the  only  kind  of 
honesty  that  succeeds  in  business.  It  is  not 


HIS  RELIGIOUS  LIFE  133 

a  question  of  religion  or  religious  beliefs. 
Honesty  does  not  depend  upon  any  religious 
creed  or  dogma  that  was  ever  conceived.  It 
is  a  question  of  a  young  man's  own  con- 
science. He  knows  what  is  right  and  what 
is  wrong.  And  yet,  simple  as  the  matter  is, 
it  is  astonishing  how  difficult  it  is  of  under- 
standing. An  honest  course  in  business 
seems  too  slow  to  the  average  young  man. 
"  I  can't  afford  to  plod  along.  I  must  strike, 
and  strike  quickly,"  is  the  sentiment.  Ah 
yes,  my  friend,  but  not  dishonestly.  No 
young  man  can  afford  to  even  think  of  dis- 
honesty. Success  on  honorable  lines  may 
sometimes  seem  slower  in  coming,  but  when 
it  does  come  it  outrivals  in  permanency  all 
the  so-called  successes  gained  by  other 
methods.  To  look  at  the  methods  of  others 
is  always  a  mistake.  The  successes  of  to-day 
are  not  given  to  the  imitator,  but  to  the 
originator.  It  makes  no  difference  how  other 
men  may  succeed — their  success  is  theirs  and 
not  yours.  You  cannot  partake  of  it.  Every 


134  SUCCESSWJRH 

man  is  a  law  unto  himself.  The  most  abso- 
lute integrity  is  the  one  and  the  only  sure 
foundation  of  success.  Such  a  success  is 
lasting  and  the  only  one  which  wins  respect. 
Other  kinds  of  successes  may  seem  so,  but  it 
is  all  in  the  seeming  and  not  in  the  reality. 
Let  a  young  man  swerve  from  the  path  of 
honesty  and  it  will  surprise  him  how  quickly 
every  avenue  of  a  lasting  success  is  closed 
against  him.  Making  money  dishonestly  is 
the  most  difficult  thing  to  accomplish  in  the 
world,  just  as  lying  is  the  practice  most 
wearing  to  the  mind.  It  is  the  young  man 
of  unquestioned  integrity  who  is  selected  for 
the  important  position.  No  business  man 
ever  places  his  business  in  the  hands  of  a 
young  man  whom  he  feels  he  cannot  abso- 
lutely trust.  And  to  be  trusted  means  to  be 
honest.  Honesty,  and  that  alone,  commands 
confidence.  An  honest  life  well  directed  is 
the  only  life  for  a  young  man  to  lead.  It 
is  the  one  life  that  is  compatible  with  the 
largest  and  surest  business  success. 


HIS  RELIGIOUS  LIFE  135 

A  religious  life,  whether  in  business  or 
out  of  business,  is  one  which  every  young 
man  not  only  should,  but  can  follow.  It 
partakes  of  no  gloom,  as  many  suppose;  it 
means  no  depression  of  spirits.  It  means 
simply  the  living  of  an  upright  life,  a  life  of 
respectability.  Religion  is  nothing  more  nor 
less  than  an  adherence  to  the  simple  code  I 
have  presented :  a  recognition  of  a  God,  and 
an  allegiance  in  manner  of  life  to  that  God. 
And  that  manner  of  living  is  simply  a  healthy 
development  of  the  spiritual  nature — keep- 
ing close  to  one's  best  instincts.  The  com- 
munion of  a  man  with  his  Creator  comes  with 
such  a  manner  of  living.  But  this  is  all 
that  a  religious  life  means.  That  comprises 
true  religion,  at  once  the  easiest  and  the 
safest  element  for  any  young  man  to  take 
into  his  life.  It  will  stand  the  severest  test, 
and  will  prove  a  veritable  Rock  of  Gibraltar 
to  him  in  time  of  anxiety  and  trouble. 


VIII 
HIS  ATTITUDE  TOWARD  WOMEN 


137 


VIII 

HIS    ATTITUDE   TOWARD    WOMEN 

|HE  attitude  which  a  young  man 
assumes  toward  women  is  one  of 
the  surest  index-fingers  to  his  char- 
acter, and  nothing  stamps  him  with  such 
unerring  accuracy  before  men.  And  if  this 
be  true  in  a  general  sense  of  his  attitude 
toward  the  whole  sex,  it  applies  with  partic- 
ular force  to  his  position  as  son.  "  As  is  the 
son  so  will  be  the  husband,"  is  a  well-known 
saying,  and  it  is  likewise  true  that  as  is  the 
son  so  is  the  man.  When  a  young  man 
reverences  his  mother  it  is  easy  for  him  to 
believe  in  the  nobility  of  the  sex  to  which 
she  belongs.  And  it  is  a  correct  belief. 

That  women  are  morally  better  and  spirit- 
ually nobler  than  men  should  be  believed  by 


140  SUCCESSIVARD 

every  young  man.  No  ideal  of  the  best  and 
truest  qualities  of  womanhood  is  too  high  for 
him  to  set  for  himself.  Such  a  belief  of  his 
young  manhood  will  become  a  conviction  of 
his  later  manhood.  I  know  that  it  is  the 
fashion  of  some  men  to  speak  lightly  of 
women  and  womanhood ;  and  young  men  in 
their  susceptible  years  are  sometimes  apt  to 
listen  to  these  low  standards,  and  inclined  to 
accept  them  or  be  influenced  by  them.  But 
of  one  thing  every  young  fellow  may  be 
assured :  that  the  man  who  speaks  of  woman 
in  any  but  the  most  respectful  terms  is  either 
a  knave  or  a  fool — very  often  he  is  both. 
And  this  is  one  of  the  few  rules  in  life  to 
which  there  is  no  exception.  I  wish  that 
young  men  would  more  closely  associate 
their  mothers  with  women  in  general,  and 
realize  that  every  slur  cast  upon  women  as  a 
sex  is  a  slur  upon  their  mothers.  This  is  the 
feeling  which  prompted  General  Grant  to 
give  a  lesson  in  politeness  which  will  always 
be  told  of  him.  The  story  is  doubtless 


HIS  ATTITUDE   TOWARD   WOMEN        141 

familiar  to  all  how  one  evening  an  officer 
came  into  camp,  and  in  a  rollicking  mood 
said  to  those  assembled : 

"  I  have  such  a  rich  story  that  I  want  to 
tell  you.  There  are  no  women  present,  are 
there?" 

Whereupon  General  Grant,  lifting  his  eyes 
from  the  paper  which  he  was  reading,  and 
looking  his  officer  square  in  the  eye,  said 
slowly,  but  deliberately : 

"  No,  but  there  are  gentlemen  present." 

The  rebuke  was  masterly,  and  it  is  one 
which  young  men  cannot  too  vividly  re- 
member. 

Nothing  in  this  world  stamps  a  man  more 
decisively  in  the  eyes  of  his  fellow-men  than 
the  practice  of  telling  "off-color"  stories  in 
which  women  are  concerned.  I  have  often 
seen  this  practice  followed,  but  never  yet 
have  I  seen  a  single  instance  when  the  story- 
teller did  not  lower  himself  in  the  estimation 
of  his  listeners.  Men  are  prone  to  laugh  at 
these  stories  when  they  are  told  them ;  but 


142  SUCCESSW/fRD 

privately  I  have  noticed  that  they  form  their 
own  opinion  of  the  man  who  tells  them,  and 
the  opinion  is  always  of  one  kind.  It  is 
the  man  who  upholds  womanhood  who  com- 
mands the  respect  of  other  men ;  the  man 
who  attempts  to  lower  it  invariably  invites 
their  distrust.  The  men  who  hold  that 
"every  woman  has  her  price"  are  the  men 
who,  in  the  estimation  of  other  men,  have  no 
price  at  all,  commercially,  socially,  or  mor- 
ally. The  man  who  uses  such  an  expression 
regarding  woman  simply  apes  the  "  smart " 
utterance  of  the  first  fool  that  God  ever 
made,  and  after  whose  pattern  all  the  other 
fools  in  this  world  were  created.  A  man 
who  truly  loves  his  mother,  wife,  sister,  or 
sweetheart  never  tells  a  story  which  lowers 
her  sex  in  the  eyes  of  others.  He  who  tells 
such  a  story  is  always  lacking  in  some  one 
respect,  and  generally  it  is  common  decency. 
I  have  dwelt  upon  this  point  because  I  should 
like  young  fellows  to  believe  more  firmly 
than  they  do  that  it  is  not  "  caddishness  "  or 


HIS  ATTITUDE   TOWARD   WOMEN       143 

"babyishness  "  or  "  goody-goodyness  "  to  re- 
fuse to  listen  to  a  story  which  makes  light 
of  women ;  it  is  one  of  the  manliest  qualities 
which  a  young  fellow  can  show,  and  deep 
down  in  his  heart  every  man  will  respect 
a  young  man  for  such  a  position.  The 
higher  order  of  men  never  forget  that,  being 
born  of  woman,  they  owe  an  obligation  to 
their  mother's  sex  which,  as  loyal  sons 
and  true  gentlemen,  forbids  them  to  listen 
without  protest  to  offensive  stories  in  which 
woman  is  concerned.  And  no  young  man 
can  listen  to  this  class  of  stories  without 
offending  his  mother,  his  sister,  or  the  girl 
who  a  little  later  will  teach  him,  through  her 
own  sweet  life,  that  whatever  is  said  to  the 
moral  detriment  of  her  sex  is  a  lie,  and  a 
reflection  upon  the  two  women  who,  one 
at  the  beginning  of  his  life  and  the  other  at 
its  ending,  will  prove  his  best  friends — his 
mother  and  his  wife. 

It   has   often  been   said   before,  but  it  is 
one  of  those  truths  which  can  as  often  be  said 


144  SUCCESSWARD 

again,  that  a  woman  is  a  man's  truest  and 
most  loving  friend,  first,  last,  and  all  the 
time.  And  particularly  is  this  so  of  a  mother. 
I  know  perfectly  well  that  young  men  are 
apt  sometimes  to  think  that  their  mothers  are 
unreasonable.  And  they  are,  sometimes,  un- 
doubtedly, and  a  little  selfish,  too.  But  one 
point  must  not  be  forgotten :  it  is  an  un- 
reasonableness and  a  selfishness  born  of  a 
mother's  surest  instinct  for  the  best  interests 
of  her  boy.  I  can  look  back  to  my  earliest 
years  of  young  manhood  and  see  where, 
again  and  again,  I  thought  my  mother  was 
either  wrong  or  unreasonable  or  prone  to  be 
a  trifle  too  cautious.  But  I  can  also  look 
back  now,  and  I  cannot  see  one  instance  in 
which  after-events  did  not  prove  her  to  be 
right.  And  to-day  it  is  easy  to  say  that  if  it 
has  been  given  me  to  achieve  even  the  small- 
est measure  of  success  in  my  life  thus  far,  it 
is  all  and  entirely  due  to  the  influence  of  my 
mother,  and  to  my  absolute  confidence  in 


HIS  ATTITUDE   TOWARD   WOMEN        145 

that  influence.  No  woman  has  been  so  much 
to  me,  no  woman  is  more  to  me  at  this 
moment  that  I  write,  than  she  who  is  my 
mother,  my  confidante,  my  truest  and  best 
friend — always  watchful,  always  loving,  al- 
ways true,  always  the  same.  And  gladly  do 
I  write  this  loving  tribute  to  her,  grateful 
that  I  can  place  it  in  her  hands  rather  than 
on  her  grave. 

There  is  no  deeper  or  greater  satisfaction 
to  a  man  than  to  be  able  to  have  his  mother 
live  to  see  him  fairly  launched  on  a  success- 
ful career  of  usefulness.  If  his  father  dies 
before  he  has  made  his  mark  in  the  world 
he  does  not  seem  to  feel  it  so  keenly.  But 
somehow  he  always  wants  his  mother  to  live 
long  enough  to  see  for  herself  that  she  did 
not  give  him  life  for  naught,  and  that  the 
world  is  a  little  better  off  for  the  being  which 
she  gave  unto  it.  There  wells  up  within  his 
nature  a  peculiar  sense  of  pride  when  some 
day  his  mother  comes  quietly  to  him,  and 


146  SUCCESSWARD 

putting  her  arms  around  his  neck,  says,  with 
all  the  tenderness  of  a  mother's  love,  "  You 
have  done  well,  my  boy.  Now  I  am  content 
to  go."  No  matter  how  hard  a  man  may 
have  worked,  such  approval  comes  to  him  as 
his  sweetest  and  richest  reward.  The  ap- 
plause of  the  world  is  little  compared  with 
such  a  motherly  benediction,  and  more  pre- 
cious to  him  is  the  remembrance  of  that  short 
sentence  in  after  years  than  all  the  honors 
that  can  be  showered  upon  him  or  the  riches 
that  may  come  to  him.  It  has  been  my 
privilege  to  hear  this  sacred  thought  from 
the  lips  of  more  than  one  of  the  most  famous 
of  American  men — men  who  are  to-day 
leaders  in  their  professions,  others  who  have 
gone  to  their  graves  crowned  with  the  ripest 
honors  and  fullest  laurels  of  the  world. 

For  men,  even  in  their  most  mature 
years,  are,  after  all,  nothing  but  grown  boys. 
The  fond  stroke  of  a  mother's  hand  is  as 
welcome  at  forty  as  at  fourteen.  The  world 
never  looks  so  bright  to  a  man  as  when  he  sits 


HIS  ATTITUDE   TOWARD   WOMEN        147 

at  his  mother's  side  with  her  arms  around  him. 
A  woman  never  seems  so  gentle  as  when  she 
fondly  strokes  the  recreant  lock  from  his 
brow,  after  a  trying  day,  and  says,  in  that 
voice  so  familiar,  but  ever  sweet,  "  You  are 
tired,  are  you  not,  dear?  "  Ah,  those  women 
who  come  into  a  room  when  a  man  is  almost 
worn  out,  and  bring  new  life  and  new  hope 
and  new  spirit  with  them!  Those  God- 
inspired  mothers  who  say  so  much  in  a  smile, 
who  speak  so  lovingly  to  us  in  a  look,  who 
send  a  thrill  of  confidence  through  a  man  in 
a  tender  pressure  of  the  hand !  They  know 
us  so  well.  They  knew  us  when  we  were 
children,  but  how  much  better  they  know  us 
when  we  are  men!  We  try  to  convince 
them  that  we  are  no  longer  boys,  but  only 
a  quiet  little  smile  and  a  fond  little  petting 
shows  us  the  fallacy  of  our  own  words. 
They  stroke  our  cheeks,  and  somehow  the 
mind  seems  more  restful  and  the  brain  ceases 
to  throb.  The  things  we  try  to  hide  from 
them  are  the  very  things  we  tell  them  about. 


148  SUCCESSIVARD 

They  know  with  a  single  look  just  what  is 
troubling  us,  and  although  they  never  ask 
us,  we  pour  out  to  them  our  worries  just  as 
we  did  when  we  were  children.  The  quar- 
rels of  the  playground  have  only  become 
the  worries  of  business,  and  the  baby  of  the 
cradle  has  simply  become  the  baby  of  the 
mother's  heart. 

It  is  easy  for  a  man  to  think  well  of  woman 
when  he  can  look  at  her  through  the  eyes  of 
a  good  mother.  And  it  is  this  which  I  want 
every  young  fellow  to  do.  His  mother 
should  be  the  central  figure  of  womanhood 
to  him — his  ideal,  his  standard;  and  while 
necessarily  other  women  will  suffer  in  com- 
parison, it  will  only  be  in  the  respect  that  to 
the  one  he  is  a  son,  while  to  the  others  he 
is  a  man.  The  tenderest  solicitude  which  a 
young  man  can  show  to  his  mother,  the  most 
unremitting  care  he  can  give  her,  are  none 
too  good  for  the  life  he  owes  to  her.  And 
the  more  tender  his  feelings  for  her  the 
stronger  he  will  find  his  faith  grow  in  her 


HIS  ATTITUDE   TOWARD   WOMEN       149 

sex.  There  is  no  influence  to  be  compared 
with  that  of  a  good  woman  over  the  life  of 
a  young  man.  It  means  everything  to  him, 
his  success  in  every  phase  of  life.  Men  are 
by  nature  coarse  and  brutal;  it  is  the  in- 
fluence of  woman  which  softens  them.  And 
we  ought  to  be  softened  as  much  as  we  can. 
The  good  Lord  knows  we  need  it  badly 
enough.  But  no  influence  is  productive  of 
the  best  and  surest  results  unless  we  make 
ourselves  susceptible  to  it.  If  we  lack  faith 
in  woman,  if  we  fail  in  the  right  ideal  of 
womanhood,  all  her  influence  will  be  as 
naught  upon  us.  From  the  beginning  of  the 
world  woman  has  been  man's  leader.  She 
has  made  him  what  he  is  to-day.  All  the 
qualities  which  we  admire  in  men  come  from 
woman's  influence.  And  a  young  man  start- 
ing out  in  life  cannot  trust  to  an  influence  so 
sure  and  so  safe  as  that  which  comes  to  him 
from  the  being  of  whose  life  he  is  a  part,  or 
in  whose  heart  he  finds  a  supreme  place. 
Man's  best  friend  is  the  woman  who  loves 


150  SUCCESSIVARD 

him.  That  should  be  the  faith  of  every 
young  man  toward  woman;  that  should  be 
his  absolute  conviction,  and  he  should  show 
it  by  an  attitude  of  respect  and  deference 
toward  her. 


IX 

THE  QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE 


IX 

THE   QUESTION   OF   MARRIAGE 

[ECESSARILY  the  question  of 
marriage  to  a  young  man  is  an 
important  one — perhaps  the  most 
important  that  is  given  him  to  solve  when  he 
reaches  a  marriageable  age.  To  some  young 
men  it  is  easy  of  solution.  They  fall  in  love 
with  some  girl  who  occupies  their  every 
thought,  they  are  married,  and,  as  the  story- 
books generally  have  it,  "  they  live  happily 
ever  afterward."  But  to  others  it  takes  the 
form  of  a  problem.  They  are  troubled  with 
sentimental  perplexities ;  and  if  these  do  not 
enter  into  the  matter,  then  it  is  either  a  ques- 
tion of  the  right  girl,  the  means  with  which 
to  marry,  or  the  proper  age.  That  the  mat- 


154  SUCCESSWARD 

ter  takes  on  one  of  these  phases  with  the 
majority  of  young  men  there  can  be  no 
doubt,  since  few  men  marry  the  girl  who 
first  strikes  their  fancy. 

The  first  point  to  present  in  this  question 
of  marriage  is  the  principle  of  it :  that  it  is 
unquestionably  for  the  good  of  almost  every 
young  man  that  he  shall  marry.  There  are 
no  two  sides  to  this  for  the  great  majority 
of  young  men.  Of  course  there  are  reasons 
why  a  man,  in  some  special  instance,  should 
choose  to  lead  a  single  life ;  in  fact,  there  are 
excellent  reasons  why  it  is  best  that  some 
men  should.  I  have  known  men  to  have 
inner  conflicts  with  themselves  for  years,  and 
then  resolutely  decide  upon  celibacy.  Such 
decisions  make  heroes  of  some  men.  There 
are  circumstances  which  sometimes  enter  into 
a  man's  life  that  make  celibacy  judicious 
and  wise — circumstances  not  of  his  own 
choosing.  There  are  men  whose  lofty  esti- 
mate of  women  will  not  permit  of  their  ask- 
ing a  woman  to  share  what  God  in  his  wis- 


THE   QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE  155 

dom  has  chosen  to  have  them  bear.  That 
type  of  men  exists.  But  to  the  majority  of 
men  it  is  decreed  to  marry  and  that  they 
shall  live  in  marriage. 

When  a  young  man  deliberately  lays  out 
for  himself  a  single  life  based  upon  any  other 
than  the  strongest  physical  or  mental  reasons, 
he  makes  the  mistake  of  his  lifetime.  If  a 
young  man  refuses  to  marry  because  of  a 
lack  of  faith  in  womanhood,  or  a  distrust  of 
the  existence  of  those  qualities  generally  at- 
tributed to  woman,  he  errs,  and  he  errs 
fatally.  And  the  best  evidence  of  this  is 
found  in  the  incontrovertible  fact  that  the 
happiest  men  in  the  world  to-day  are  the 
men  who  have  believed  in  good  womanhood, 
and  have  shown  that  belief  by  taking  a  good 
woman  into  their  hearts  and  homes.  There 
can  be  no  disputing  the  fact  that  a  man's  life 
is  never  complete  in  its  fullest  happiness  until 
that  life  is  made  whole  and  complete  by  the 
love  of  a  true  woman.  The  simplest  refer- 
ence to  the  history  of  men  since  the  creation 


15G  SUCCESSlV/tRD 

of  the  world  will  demonstrate  the  truth  of 
this  assertion.  Man  has  done  nothing  with- 
out woman ;  without  her  counsel  he  has  be- 
come as  a  cipher  in  the  world.  Left  alone, 
aside  from  the  question  of  influence,  he  is 
helpless.  No  man  ever  lived  who  knows,  for 
example,  how  to  take  care  of  himself.  The 
absence  of  a  wife  from  home  has  demon- 
strated to  many  a  man  how  large  and  im- 
portant a  part  she  is  of  it  and  of  him.  The 
right  kind  of  a  wife  knows  better  what  is 
essential  to  her  husband's  comfort  than  he 
does  himself — far  better.  He  waits  for  ill- 
ness to  come,  and  then  combats  it,  frequently 
when  too  late.  But  the  wife  sees  the  symp- 
toms and  uses  preventives.  Her  keen  in- 
sight tells  her  that  her  husband  is  unwell 
when  sometimes  he  is  not  conscious  of  it 
himself.  Women,  we  are  told,  know  little  of 
business  ;  yet  when  business  troubles  come  to 
a  man  a  good  wife  is  the  source  of  all  com- 
fort to  him.  When  he  despairs  she  is  hope- 
ful. By  her  influence,  perhaps,  more  than 


THE   QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE  157 

by  what  she  actually  accomplishes,  she  brings 
new  hope,  new  courage,  and  points  the  way 
to  a  new  beginning.  How  often  women 
have  been  the  means  of  averting  business 
disasters  or  the  multiplying  of  failures  with 
further  implications  the  world  will  never 
know ;  but  there  are  men  who  know  it,  and 
they  are  the  men  of  whom  to  ask,  "  Is  mar- 
riage a  failure?  " 

It  is  an  unfortunate  fact  that  some  men  never 
get  to  a  point  where  they  understand  woman. 
And  yet  to  know  woman,  to  properly  under- 
stand her,  to  correctly  interpret  her  best 
motives,  is  the  deepest  lesson  that  life  can 
teach  a  man.  Every  man  with  a  fair  mind 
who  clasps  a  good  woman  to  his  breast  and 
calls  her  mother,  wife,  or  sister  will  under- 
stand the  import  of  these  words.  How  a 
man  can  be  a  hater  of  woman  I  cannot  con- 
ceive when  through  her  so  much  can  be 
added  to  his  life.  Nothing  is  such  an  in- 
centive to  a  man  to  make  the  best  of 
himself  as  the  knowledge  that  there  is 


158  SUCCESSWARD 

some  one  in  the  world  who  believes  he  is 
just  the  cleverest  fellow  alive;  that  there 
are  eyes,  far  lovelier  than  all  the  stars  in 
heaven  to  him,  which  sparkle  at  his  com- 
ing; that  there  is  a  loving,  womanly  heart 
which  beats  quicker  at  the  sound  of  his 
footsteps;  that  there  is  a  nature  ever  ready 
to  sympathize  with  him  in  his  troubles  and 
gladden  at  his  victories — a  dear,  sweet,  loving 
woman,  who  laughs  with  him,  and  puts  her 
soft,  loving  arms  around  him  when  he  is  in 
trouble,  rouses  him  to  his  better  self,  making 
him  feel  that,  after  all,  this  world  is  not  such 
a  bad  place  to  live  in.  This,  as  many  a  man 
knows,  is  not  a  picture  drawn  from  fancy; 
it  finds  its  living  reflection  in  thousands  of 
homes  all  through  this  land  and  across  the 
sea,  in  homes  where  men  are  happiest  and 
where  women  are  most  content. 

The  bachelor  is  ofttimes  happy  in  his 
single  state — that  is,  for  a  bachelor.  He 
may  console  himself  with  the  reflection  that 
he  accounts  only  to  himself,  that  he  is  his 


THE  QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE  159 

own  master,  can  go  where  he  will  and  do  as 
he  chooses  so  long  as  he  obeys  the  laws  of 
society  and  of  the  land ;  but  in  his  heart  he 
knows  he  is  but  half  of  a  complete  thing.  He 
knows  that  there  is  something  lacking  in  his 
life  which,  if  supplied,  would  make  the  com- 
plete whole.  Business  success  may  come  to 
him,  wealth  may  be  his;  but  one  way  or 
another  he  feels  the  absence  of  some  one  to 
enjoy  his  successes  with  him.  He  wonders 
why  it  is  that  he  does  not  always  put  forth 
his  best  efforts.  He  marvels  whether,  after 
all,  a  man  does  not  need  something  outside 
of  himself  to  draw  him  on  and  incite  him  to 
his  utmost  exertions.  He  may  be  courted 
for  his  money,  he  may  have  friendships  in- 
numerable, every  comfort  may  be  in  his 
rooms ;  yet  moments  come  to  him  when  per- 
sistent thought  points  to  something  lacking 
in  his  life  to  round  it  out.  Travel  as  he  will, 
live  on  the  best  the  world  can  provide,  he 
feels,  as  I  have  heard  it  said  of  the  millionaire 
owner  of  one  of  the  greatest  newspapers  in 


160  SUCCESSIVARD 

the  land,  roaming  from  one  land  to  another, 
that  few  men  are  ofttimes  more  miserable  in 
their  daily  lives  than  is  he.  He  has  every- 
thing the  heart  can  wish  for;  more  wealth 
than  he  can  spend ;  costly  residences  on  this 
side  of  the  ocean  and  on  the  other;  swift 
yachts  are  his,  and  swifter  horses.  Yet, 
while  driving  one  day,  and  seeing  in  a  pass- 
ing carriage  a  man  of  his  acquaintance  sit- 
ting beside  a  devoted  wife  and  two  children, 
he  said  to  a  friend,  "  That  man's  whole  for- 
tune is  not  one  half  of  my  yearly  income, 
and  yet  his  life  is  a  far  happier  one."  And 
when  his  friend  asked  him  in  what  the 
other's  happiness  exceeded  his,  James  Gor- 
don Bennett  replied,  "  In  having  a  good 
wife,  and  a  lovely  child  for  each  knee." 

Of  the  wisdom  of  marriage  itself  there  can 
be  no  question.  The  knotty  little  problems 
which  enter  into  it  are  another  matter.  Some 
of  them  find  expression  in  the  choice  of  the 
right  girl.  And  here,  naturally,  is  a  question 
which  no  one  can  decide  for  another.  It  is  a 


THE  QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE  161 

man's  heart  which  directs  him  to  the  woman 
whom  he  wants  for  his  wife,  never  the  finger 
of  the  adviser.  "Love  pointeth  surely"  is 
an  old  proverb,  and  it  is  as  true  to-day  as 
upon  the  day  it  was  written.  Many  a  young 
man,  however,  stands  undecided  on  this 
question  of  marriage.  He  believes  that  the 
only  holy  marriage,  the  only  marriage  from 
which  can  spring  happiness,  is  that  born  of 
love.  The  girl  with  whom  such  a  marriage 
is  possible  is  perhaps  within  his  eye.  He 
loves  her,  he  feels,  and  yet  he  hesitates. 
Why  he  hesitates  he  cannot  sometimes  ex- 
plain. Sometimes  there  is  another  girl  in  the 
case,  whom  he  acknowledges  to  himself  he 
does  not  love  quite  so  well,  and  yet  he  feels 
that  she  would  bring  to  him  something  that 
the  other  girl  does  not:  a  certain  social  ad- 
vancement, perhaps,  a  furtherance  of  his  busi- 
ness interests,  or  an  advantage  of  one  kind  or 
another.  Again,  there  are  young  men  who 
feel  drawn  toward  accepting  the  girl  of  their 
own  heart  and  choice,  but  are  withheld  by 


162  SUCCESSWJRD 

parental  opposition,  or,  if  not  exactly  oppo- 
sition, that  parental  indifference  or  coldness 
which  is  even  more  chilling  and  killing  than 
open  antagonism.  They  want  the  girl,  and 
yet  they  do  not  want  to  offend  their  parents ; 
or  perhaps,  as  in  some  cases,  it  is  friends 
that  are  considered.  And  so  hesitancy  and 
perplexity  come  in.  The  heart  leads  one 
way,  some  other  interest  or  consideration 
draws  another. 

It  is  to  the  mind  of  such  a  young  man  that 
a  girl  awakens  divers  feelings,  many  of  which 
are  mistaken  for  love.  It  is  love  which 
draws  him  one  way ;  it  is  an  inherent  sense 
of  mere  possession  that  draws  him  the  other. 
And  I  am  very  free  in  saying  that  some 
young  men  are  actuated  in  marrying  simply 
because  of  this  sense  of  mere  possession. 
Nor  do  I  mean  the  word  "  possession  "  here  as 
applying  to  property.  To  marry  a  girl  for 
her  money  is  the  most  contemptuous  act  of 
which  a  man  can  be  capable.  It  dwarfs  him 
and  it  dwarfs  the  woman  upon  whom  he  in- 


THE  QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE  163 

flicts  the  wrong.  But  it  is  the  notion  which 
gets  into  the  heads  of  so  many  young  men 
to  marry  a  girl  because  of  the  possession 
of  some  trait,  some  art,  some  grace,  which 
they  have  not  themselves,  and  the  girl's  pos- 
session of  it  attracts  them.  Sometimes  it  is 
the  girl's  talent ;  at  other  times  her  education, 
or  her  traveled  knowledge;  again  it  is  her 
beauty,  her  social  graces,  her  ability  to  appear 
well,  to  dress  well,  to  entertain  well.  The 
young  man  associates  such  a  girl  in  his  mind 
as  a  part  of  an  establishment  which  is  the 
dream  of  his  young  manhood.  She  would 
look  well ;  she  would  always  be  able  to  enter- 
tain his  friends,  to  help  him  in  achieving  a 
certain  position;  and  he  feels  that  he  would 
be  proud  of  her.  And  he  would.  But  the 
satisfaction  of  a  mere  pride  is  not  the  satis- 
faction of  the  heart.  Pride  is  very  easily 
satisfied ;  and  when  it  is  satisfied  it  generally 
departs.  In  a  few  years  he  will  want  some- 
thing more  than  an  ornament  to  his  home, 
and  then  he  will  find  it  wanting.  For  only 


164  SUCCESSU/ARD 

in  rare  cases  do  we  find  the  useful  and  the 
ornamental  combined  in  a  single  woman. 
To  marry  a  girl  because  of  some  possession ; 
because  he  simply  likes  her  better,  perhaps, 
than  he  does  other  girls ;  because,  maybe,  he 
respects,  fancies,  or  admires  her;  because  she 
seems  to  sympathize  with  him,  is  to  establish 
a  wrong  basis  for  a  happy  marriage.  Not 
one  of  these  emotions  can  form  the  founda- 
tion for  any  truly  happy  marriage.  They 
are  things  which  appeal  to  us  in  any  dear 
friend,  man  or  woman.  The  girl  who  is  to 
be  a  young  man's  companion  for  life,  to  be 
with  him  and  of  him  as  long  as  she  or  he 
may  live,  and  to  be  the  sharer  of  his  joys  or 
sorrows,  to  be  a  daughter  to  his  mother 
and  a  mother  to  his  children,  must  awaken 
other  emotions  in  a  young  man's  heart.  She 
must  awaken  that  true,  affectionate  love  out 
of  which  all  of  the  things  of  which  I  have 
spoken  spring,  but  none  of  which  alone  or 
combined  constitutes  love  itself. 

The  girl  that  a  young  man  should  marry, 


THE   QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE  165 

and  the  only  girl  he  is  safe  to  marry,  is  she 
who  fills  all  his  life,  his  every  thought,  who 
guides  him  in  his  every  act,  whose  face 
comes  before  him  in  everything  that  he  does 
— the  girl,  in  short,  without  whom  he  feels 
life  would  be  a  blank,  without  whom  he 
could  not  live.  That  is  the  girl  whom  he 
loves,  and  it  makes  little  difference  whether 
such  a  girl  be  rich  or  poor,  talented  or  not, 
traveled  or  untraveled.  Enough  is  it  for 
him  if  she  is  affectionate  in  her  nature,  sym- 
pathetic with  his  work,  responsive  to  his 
thoughts,  appreciative  of  his  best  qualities. 
These  are  the  traits  in  a  woman  which  last 
the  longest,  and  remain  with  a  man  through- 
out his  life.  They  are  the  traits  in  women 
which  make  good  wives  and  better  mothers. 
Knowledge  is  a  good  thing  in  a  woman,  but 
affection  is  infinitely  better.  Far  wiser  is 
the  young  man  who  marries  the  stupidest 
girl  in  the  world,  if  she  be  affectionate,  than 
he  who  marries  the  brightest  girl  in  the 
universe,  if  she  be  cold,  clammy,  and  unre- 


166  SUCCESSWARD 

sponsive  in  her  disposition.  We  laugh  at 
sentiment,  we  men,  when  we  are  young; 
when  we  have  lived  a  lifetime  we  reverence 
it,  and  the  jest  becomes  the  tribute. 

Another  point,  as  I  hinted  above,  which 
sometimes  enters  into  a  young  man's  thoughts 
of  marriage  is  what  is  called  by  the  world 
the  "  social  station "  of  the  girl  he  loves. 
Now  what  is  termed  "  social  station "  is  a 
very  difficult  thing  to  define.  The  habit  of 
social  distinction  which  so  many  families  en- 
deavor to  engender  and  develop  in  contem- 
plated marriage  is,  I  think,  one  of  the  most 
unfortunate  tendencies  of  the  times.  A  social 
aristocracy  has  always  been  impossible  in 
America,  and  it  is  never  more  impossible 
than  at  the  present  time.  We  need  not  be 
extremists  in  our  beliefs,  and  refuse  to  admit 
that  there  exist  grades  and  classes  in  Ameri- 
can society.  Our  social  lines  are  sufficiently 
drawn  for  individual  protection,  as  they 
rightly  should  be,  and  must  be  in  any  great 
nation.  But  for  any  grade  of  society  to 


THE  QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE  167 

refuse  a  humane  and  proper  recognition  to  a 
girl  foreign,  perhaps,  to  our  special  modes  of 
living,  is  a  piece  of  snobbery  unworthy  of 
any  American  family  which  thrives  and 
prospers  under  American  privileges  and  re- 
sources. We  have  in  this  country  a  class  of 
people  whose  social  standards  are  beneath 
contempt,  and  who  consider  it  almost  infec- 
tious to  brush  their  mantles  against  the 
plainer  cloaks  of  what  they  choose  to  call 
"the  lower  classes."  We  can,  if  we  so 
choose,  amuse  ourselves  in  this  country  by 
believing  that  there  is  such  a  thing  as  Amer- 
ican lineage.  But  when  we  permit  this 
harmless  amusement  to  become  a  settled 
belief  and  seriously  discuss  it,  as  I  have  heard 
it  in  some  drawing-rooms,  the  matter  passes 
out  of  the  amusing  and  assumes  the  ridicu- 
lous. The  great  social  strength  of  this  coun- 
try, the  real  substantial  strength,  hope,  and 
life  of  this  nation,  lies  with  what  is  desig- 
nated as  the  great  average  middle  class ;  and 
from  this  class  springs  not  only  the  mental, 


168  SUCCESSWARD 

physical,  and  moral  bone  and  sinew  of  this 
republic,  but  the  best  type  of  womanhood 
which  ornaments  the  American  home  to-day. 
The  man  or  woman  who  to-day  sneers  at  or 
casts  a  discreditable  innuendo  upon  that  class 
stamps  himself  or  herself  unworthy  of  being 
classed  among  intelligent  people. 

The  truest,  best,  and  sweetest  type  of  the 
American  girl  of  to-day  does  not  come  from 
the  home  of  wealth;  she  steps  out  from  a 
home  where  exists  comfort  rather  than  lux- 
uries. She  belongs  to  the  great  middle  class 
— that  class  which  has  given  us  the  best 
American  wifehood;  which  has  given  help- 
mates to  the  foremost  American  men  of  our 
time ;  which  teaches  its  daughters  the  true 
meaning  of  love ;  which  teaches  the  manners 
of  the  drawing-room,  but  the  practical  life  of 
the  kitchen  as  well ;  which  teaches  its  girls 
the  responsibilities  of  wifehood  and  the  great- 
ness of  motherhood.  These  girls  may  not 
ride  in  their  carriages,  they  may  not  wear  the 
.nost  expensive  gowns,  they  may  even  help  a 


THE   QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE  169 

little  to  enlarge  the  family  income ;  but  these 
girls  are  to-day  the  great  bulwark  of  Ameri- 
can society,  not  only  present,  but  of  the 
future.  They  represent  the  American  home 
and  what  is  best  and  truest  in  sweet  domestic 
life,  and  they  make  the  best  wives  for  our 
American  men.  I  have  no  patience  with 
those  theories  that  would  seek  to  place  the 
average  American  girl  in  any  other  position 
than  that  which  she  occupies,  ornaments,  and 
rightfully  holds :  the  foremost  place  in  our 
respect,  our  admiration,  and  our  love.  She 
is  not  the  society  girl  of  the  day,  and  she  is 
better  for  it.  She  knows  no  superficial  life ; 
she  knows  only  the  life  in  a  home  where 
husband,  wife,  and  children  are  one  in  love, 
one  in  thoughts,  and  one  in  every  action. 
She  believes  no  woman  to  be  so  sweet  as  her 
mother ;  no  man  so  good  as  her  father.  She 
believes  that  there  are  good  women  and  true 
men  in  the  world,  and  her  belief  is  right. 
And  that  young  man  will  ever  be  happiest 
who  takes  such  a  girl  for  his  wife. 


170  SUCCESSWARD 

I  seek  not  to  disparage  the  home  life  of 
the  wealthy  of  our  land.  Some  of  my  best 
friends  live  in  homes  of  luxury,  are  deemed 
by  the  world  wealthy  and  fortunate,  and  the 
atmosphere  of  their  homes  is  as  pure  and 
elevating  as  is  their  family  life  representative 
of  every  element  that  makes  good  women 
and  men.  Nor  have  I  one  word  to  say 
against  honest  ancestral  pride.  On  the  con- 
trary, I  believe  in  it.  I  think  if  we  had  more 
of  it  in  this  country  it  would  be  better.  It 
is  one  of  the  greatest  stimulants  to  a  young 
man  to  know  that  he  comes  of  a  good  family 
and  that  he  is  expected  to  so  carry  himself 
as  to  add  respect  and  pride  to  the  name  of 
his  family.  A  good  family  name  is  one  of 
the  strongest  safeguards  to  a  young  man's 
respectability.  We  cannot  underestimate 
the  value  of  heredity.  We  should  be  proud 
of  an  honorable  ancestry.  But  we  should 
not  boast  of  it,  or  use  it  to  a  detrimental 
comparison  of  the  ancestry  of  others.  That 
spirit  is  vulgar;  certainly  it  is  un-American. 


THE  QUESTION   OF  MARRIAGE          171 

Nor  should  any  of  us,  who  have  been  a  little 
more  favored  with  this  world's  goods,  refuse 
to  recognize  good  in  those  not  possessed  of 
equal  possessions.  I  care  not  how  tenderly 
the  favored  son  of  a  wealthy  home  may  have 
been  reared ;  with  what  care  and  precision 
his  mental  and  moral  development  may  have 
been  guarded  and  watched ;  what  hopes  may 
be  centered  in  him :  I  will  match  his  worth 
any  hour  of  the  day  with  a  girl  from  a  plainer 
home  and  of  lesser  advantages.  "  But  her 
social  position?"  the  proud  mother  asks. 
Social  station?  What  is  social  station?  So 
long  as  a  girl  is  respectable,  so  long  as  she  is 
good,  so  long  as  she  is  a  loving,  tender,  and 
true  woman,  by  what  social  standard  can  she 
be  measured?  What  right  have  we  to  apply 
superficial  standards  to  worth  and  character? 
What  comparison  can  a  social  standard  bear 
to  the  highest  standard  of  morality,  to  good 
womanhood,  to  the  best  wifehood,  to  the 
truest  conception  of  motherhood?  Is  the 
girl  in  an  office  less  of  a  woman  than  the  girl 


172  SUCCESSIVARD 

who  rides  in  her  carriage  ?  Is  she  less  capa- 
ble of  making  a  good  wife?  Why  do  we 
marry?  To  please  society?  To  uphold 
social  standards  as  false  as  they  are  mythical  ? 
False  pride  has  made  enough  trouble  in  this 
world  without  letting  it  bring  grief  into  our 
homes.  Let  the  young  men  of  this  country 
be  sufficiently  broad-minded  not  to  measure 
a  girl  by  her  surroundings,  but  to  judge  her 
for  herself.  True  worth  lasts  longer  and 
wears  to  the  end.  The  loving  heart  of  a 
good  girl  is  better  than  all  the  wealth  and 
social  accomplishments  which  she  can  bring 
to  a  man.  It  is  something  that  comes  back 
to  a  man  three  hundred  and  sixty-five  times 
in  a  year.  We  can  get  along  with  a  little 
money  in  this  world  if  we  will ;  but  love  is 
aquality  of  which  we  can  scarce  have  too 
much. 

And  when  the  conditions  are  reversed,  and 
the  young  man's  income  or  financial  posses- 
sions are  taken  into  account,  the  same  gen- 
eral principle  is  true.  There  is  not  a  more 


THE   QUESTION   OF  MARRIAGE  173 

cruel  standard  by  which  to  measure  a  young 
man  than  the  position  he  is  able  to  offer 
the  girl  of  his  choice.  I  am  not  an  advocate 
of  the  "  love-in-a-cottage "  theory  by  any 
means;  but  I  do  believe  in  the  good  old- 
fashioned  theory  of  a  young  couple  starting 
out  in  the  world  with  a  moderate  income, 
and  then  climbing  upward  together.  I  know 
this  sounds  visionary,  and  like  the  sort  of 
reading  we  find  in  stories;  but  the  truth  is 
there  just  the  same.  I  give  it  as  my  earnest 
conviction  that  a  young  girl  will  be  far  safer 
in  the  hands  of  a  young  man  born  of  parents 
in  moderate  circumstances,  honest  in  his 
principles,  energetic  and  industrious,  than  she 
would  with  a  young  man  who  has  known  only 
the  luxuries  of  life,  and  to  whom  work  is  an 
incidental  matter  rather  than  the  aim  and 
purpose  of  life.  I  do  not  care  how  poor  a 
young  man  may  be;  if  he  has  good  health, 
sound  principles,  is  respectful  of  sacred 
things,  is  temperate  in  his  habits,  and  is  not 
afraid  to  work,  and  work  hard,  and  face  the 


174  SUCCESSW4RD 

world  with  a  determination  to  succeed,  that 
young  man  can  be  trusted  with  the  best  and 
sweetest  girl  ever  reared  in  an  American 
home. 

At  the  same  time  I  believe  that  no  young 
man  has  a  right  to  ask  a  girl  to  be  his  wife 
until  he  has  reached  a  certain  point  in  his  life. 
And  I  would  apply  this  both  to  his  age  and 
to  his  prospects.  As  to  age,  I  think  a  young 
man  should  wait  until  he  is  at  least  twenty- 
five  before  he  marries.  Before  that  time  his 
impressions  and  his  fancies  are  apt  to  be 
fleeting.  He  drifts  and  flounders  in  almost 
everything  he  does — wife-choosing  included 
— before  he  is  twenty-five.  He  himself 
rarely  knows  what  he  wants  in  anything. 
He  does  not  know  the  world  nor  its  people. 
He  may  think  he  does — a  young  man  be- 
tween eighteen  and  twenty- five  generally 
does — but  he  does  not  all  the  same.  It  re- 
quires him  to  reach  and  pass  the  twenty-five- 
year  period  to  find  out  how  little  he  knew 
before.  After  he  passes  twenty- five  he  be- 


gins  to  learn,  and  from  that  time  things  come 
to  have  a  meaning  to  him.  The  difference 
before  and  after  this  twenty- five-year  period 
is  that  before  he  is  twenty- five  he  wonders 
that  he  is  so  much  more  mature  than  others 
and  knows  so  much;  while  after  he  passes 
twenty-five  he  wonders  that  he  is  so  imma- 
ture and  knows  so  little.  And  when  a  young 
man  reaches  that  point  where  he  is  convinced 
that  he  knows  very  little,  then  his  time  of 
learning  commences.  Young  men  generally 
think  they  know  "  a  great  deal  about  girls  " 
when  they  are  twenty-one,  and  can  easily 
choose  a  wife.  But  the  wisdom  of  twenty- 
one  on  that  point  is  a  little  slippery,  and  I 
would  advise  no  young  man  to  test  it. 

Then,  too,  a  young  man  has  no  conception 
of  his  capabilities  before  he  reaches  twenty- 
five.  He  has  no  fixed  purpose  in  mind ;  he 
has  no  idea  what  he  is  capable  of  doing ;  he 
does  not  know  the  business  world  nor  its 
chances.  He  has  had  no  opportunity  of 
showing  his  employers  his  capacity  to  fill  a 


176  SUCCESSWARD 

more  important  position.  He  has,  therefore, 
no  practical  idea  of  his  prospects,  and  he  can 
form  none.  The  period  between  the  ages 
of  twenty  and  twenty- five  is  the  formative 
period  in  his  life,  and  during  that  time  it  is 
better  that  he  has  no  additional  responsibili- 
ties upon  him  other  than  his  own  struggles 
will  demand.  But  when  he  reaches  twenty- 
five  he  generally  begins  to  develop.  His 
opinions  on  matters  begin  to  be  listened  to — 
casually,  it  is  true,  at  first,  but  they  command 
attention,  nevertheless,  where  formerly  they 
were  ignored,  and  justly  so.  From  this  time 
his  career  begins,  and  he  can,  with  a  greater 
degree  of  accuracy,  decide  for  himself  whether 
he  can  ask  the  girl  of  his  choice  to  share 
his  life  with  him.  Between  twenty-five  and 
thirty  a  young  man  should,  if  he  hopes  to 
amount  to  anything,  choose  his  path  in  life 
and  test  his  capabilities.  And  then  it  is  that 
the  love  of  a  good  wife  and  her  counsel  will 
mean  everything  to  him.  If  we  look  at  cur- 
rent statistics  we  find  at  once  that  the  greater 


THE  QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE          111 

majority — I  think  it  is  something  like  seventy 
per  cent. — of  our  young  men  are  marrying 
between  twenty- five  and  thirty,  with  a  lean- 
ing toward  the  latter  age.  Years  ago  it  was 
different,  and  the  marrying  age  for  young 
men  was  between  twenty-two  and  twenty- 
five. 

But,  likewise,  a  young  man  cannot  afford 
to  wait  too  long  in  this  question  of  marriage  ; 
and  when  I  say  too  long  I  mean  beyond  the 
age  of  thirty.  After  a  man  passes  thirty 
years  his  habits  are  very  likely  to  become 
fixed,  and  from  that  time  it  will  be  harder 
for  him  each  year  to  tear  away  from  his 
bachelor  habits.  For  marriage  demands  a 
few  sacrifices  from  a  man,  and  he  must  be  pre- 
pared to  meet  them,  just  as  the  girl  gives  up 
many  of  her  girlish  pleasures.  Marriage  is 
not  a  lark,  as  some  young  people  are  apt  to 
suppose,  and  it  should  not  be  entered  into 
just  for  the  fun  of  the  thing,  nor  for  the  sake 
of  being  married.  Better  is  it  for  a  young 
man  never  to  marry  than  to  marry  simply  for 


178  SUCCESSW/1RD 

the  sake  of  marrying,  or  because  he  feels 
that  he  is  getting  along  in  years. 

There  is  only  one  safe  rule  for  a  young 
man  to  follow  in  this  whole  question  of  mar- 
riage, and  it  solves  the  problem  of  the  girl 
and  the  age:  wait  until  the  right  girl  comes 
along  and  then  marry  her.  But,  if  possible, 
don't  marry  her  this  side  of  twenty  years, 
and  don't  you  marry  this  side  of  twenty- five. 

Regarding  the  question  of  engagements,  I 
believe  thoroughly  in  their  short  duration. 
This  whole  question  of  matrimonial  engage- 
ments might  be  changed  somewhat  by  young 
people  themselves,  and  to  their  own  benefit. 
In  many  cases  the  young  become  engaged 
too  soon,  and  then  they  are  restless  because 
they  cannot  marry;  whereas,  if  the  period 
of  acquaintanceship  were  made  longer,  and 
the  engagement  time  shorter,  things  would 
be  much  improved.  Long  engagements  are 
never  advisable ;  in  fact,  they  are  bad  from 
every  point  of  view  ;  long  periods  of  acquain- 
tance previous  to  an  engagement  are  far 


THE   QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE          179 

better.  So  far  as  actually  knowing  each 
other  is  concerned — well,  for  that  matter, 
what  woman  has  ever  known  a  man  until 
after  she  is  married  to  him,  or  what  man  has 
ever  known  a  woman  ? 

Touching  the  question  of  a  young  man's 
income  when  he  marries,  no  rule  can  be  laid 
down.  There  are  thousands  of  married  peo- 
ple who  are  living  the  happiest  of  lives  on  six 
hundred  dollars  per  year,  while  there  are 
thousands,  on  the  other  hand,  who  struggle 
to  keep  out  of  debt  on  six  thousand  a  year. 
Arid  so  it  goes.  Everything  depends  upon 
the  people.  Hundreds  of  men  constantly 
ask  the  question,  "  Can  I  marry  on  six  hun- 
dred, eight  hundred,  or  a  thousand  dollars 
per  year?"  No  one  can  determine  this 
question  but  the  young  fellow  himself,  and 
particularly  the  girl  whom  he  loves.  As  I 
wrote  to  a  young  fellow  who  asked  me  if  I 
believed  it  would  be  safe  for  him  to  marry 
on  a  thousand  dollars  per  year,  so  do  I 
say  to  all  young  men  who  are  asking  the 


180  SUCCESSW/1RD 

question,  irrespective  of  the  amount  in- 
volved :  no  one  can  tell  you.  You  and  the 
girl  in  question  must  settle  that.  But,  on 
general  principles,  I  think  the  sooner  we  look 
at  this  question  of  marriage  from  some  other 
than  this  strictly  mercenary  standpoint  the 
better.  I  do  not  believe,  as  I  said  a  few 
paragraphs  back,  in  the  theory  of  love  in  a 
cottage,  with  nothing  else.  But  I  do  be- 
lieve in  young  people  starting  at  the  low- 
est rung  in  the  ladder  and  then  climbing 
up.  Nothing  else  in  the  world  knits  the  in- 
terests of  two  people  so  closely  together, 
or  insures  such  absolute  happiness  in  the 
future  as  their  lives  progress.  I  cannot  ad- 
vise any  young  fellow  what  to  do,  but  I 
know  if  I  were  earning  six  hundred,  eight 
hundred,  or  a  thousand  dollars  a  year,  and  I 
really  loved  a  girl — felt,  in  other  words,  as  if 
I  could  not  live  without  her — and  the  girl 
was  of  the  right  kind — that  is,  sensible  in  her 
ideas,  frugal  in  her  tastes,  and  of  a  marriage- 
able age — I  would  let  her  settle  my  doubt 


THE  QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE          181 

for  me.  Girls  have  a  very  interesting  way 
of  settling  doubts  of  this  kind — when  they 
are  fond  of  the  fellow  in  doubt.  One  thing 
is  certain :  the  greatest  safety  in  this  world 
for  a  man  is  to  place  his  interests  in  the  keep- 
ing of  the  woman  who  loves  him. 

These  are  the  only  points  which  I  or  any 
other  writer  can  possibly  advance  regard- 
ing this  question  of  marriage.  Every  young 
man  must  necessarily  settle  it  for  himself; 
all  that  a  writer  can  do  is  to  lay  down  the 
best  and  what  he  considers  to  be  the  safest 
general  principles,  and  each  reader  must  ap- 
ply those  principles  to  his  own  individual 
needs  and  condition. 

But  there  is  one  thing  which  a  writer  can 
safely  do,  and  that  is  to  counsel  in  every 
young  man  a  firm  belief  in  womanhood  and 
an  honest  faith  in  marriage.  He  must  not 
paint  the  marriage  relation  all  of  a  rose- 
colored  hue.  Necessarily  it  has  its  purple 
lights ;  sometimes  its  black  shadows.  No 
condition  of  life  is  without  its  little  trials,  its 


182  SUCCESSW4RD 

vexations,  or  its  anxieties,  and  marriage  is 
not  an  exception  to  this  rule.  But  it  is 
through  the  marriage  state,  through  the  love 
of  woman,  as  I  have  said  before,  that  man 
has  reached  his  present  status.  Married  to  a 
woman,  he  may  wonder  now  and  then  a  little 
whether  she  is  not  rather  expensive.  Her 
ways  may  not  always  be  his  ways.  Occa- 
sionally he  may  frown  a  little,  and  perhaps 
scold  a  bit.  He  may  leave  home  in  the 
morning  and  go  to  his  office  without  the 
customary  farewell  kiss.  He  may  sometimes 
get  provoked  because  she  is  "  so  slow  in  get- 
ting ready  "  when  he  goes  out  with  her.  He 
may  want  to  stay  at  home  when  she  wants 
to  go  out.  He  may  be  led  to  say  once  in  a 
great  while,  "  Women  are  queer,  and  you  are 
one  of  the  queerest!"  He  may  fly  into  a 
passion,  only  to  feel  sorry  for  it  afterward. 
He  may  feel  piqued  at  times  because  she  is 
not  home  when  he  comes  from  the  office ;  that 
dinner  is  not  ready  just  at  the  precise  moment 
when  he  wants  it;  that  she  wants  to  retire 


THE   QUESTION  OF  MARRIAGE  183 

about  three  hours  earlier  than  he  does.  But, 
"after  all,"  he  says  to  himself,  "I  tell  you 
what,  my  wife  is  an  angel.  She  always 
seems  to  know  what  is  best  for  me,  and  what 
is  not.  She  looks  at  nothing  in  the  light 
of  a  sacrifice.  When  I  have  been  tired  for 
three  hours  she  keeps  going.  Well,  she  is 
my  daily  joy ;  sick,  my  comfort,  and  the  best 
of  nurses ;  in  trouble,  my  star  of  hope.  When 
I  want  to  be  rash  she  is  cautious.  I  could 
stake  my  life  on  the  honesty  of  a  man;  she, 
at  a  glance,  has  read  his  innermost  thoughts 
and  knows  his  character.  And  take  her  year 
in  and  year  out  she  is  the  most  patient,  most 
loving,  and  dearest  of  women.  Faults?  Of 
course  she  has,  but  so  have  I — lots  of  them, 
too.  I  notice  all  she  has,  but  some  way  or 
other  she  never  seems  to  see  mine,  and  talks 
only  of  my  best  side.  And,  after  all,  is  she 
not  right  ?  "  And  then,  as  a  pair  of  arms  are 
twined  around  him  from  behind,  as  he  sits  in 
a  comfortable  chair,  a  soft,  fluffy  sleeve  just 
rubs  gently  against  his  face,  a  pair  of  eyes 


184  SUCCESSWARD. 

look  into  his  eyes  as  he  raises  them,  a  pair  of 
lips  lovingly  press  his,  a  gentle,  loving  voice 
says,  "  Do  you  know,  dear,  you  look  very 
comfortable  and  happy,"  everything  that  is 
good  swells  up  in  him  and  finds  its  expression 
in  the  typical  Americanism : 
"You  bet  I  am!" 


23834 


A       n  r  r\  " ""'' 


